Sometimes in the middle of the night, Paolo reaches out to me in his sleep. In these sleepy scenarios he is either: asking me to hold his hand (which is difficult when you like to sleep with your back against him) or he’ll just place his hand on top of me. Tonight it’s on my hip.
I swear to God, it is the most comforting touch to ever feel in the entire world.
Having someone reach out for you when they themselves don’t even know it makes me feel so needed. Like I actually matter in this big, bad world.
And i know i say this a lot but it’s the best feeling in the world considering how unimportant i used to feel.
It has taken me approximately 5 days to finally integrate my old blog into my issaplease blog (I had to learn how to split .xml files- WOW!), FINALLY settle with a theme that I liked (note to self: DO NOT CHANGE THEMES ANYTIME SOON, PLEASE!) and then customize it to my liking (as you know, we have such sophisticated taste).
But we are finally done and I can stop thinking about this blog while I’m washing the dishes or while we play Call Of Duty.
Oddly, I am only in the mood to work on my blog at 1- 5 am in the morning. That’s just how I roll.
If you’re wondering why I decided to integrate my personal & professional blog this is the long short of it: I wanted to. It’s hard maintaining two blogs so this makes it easier.
I don’t mind sharing these deep dark parts of my life anymore. I know I used to because I felt like there was no place in the world for my teenage stricken anxiety & rebelliousness but there is now. This is the place.
Anyways, today Paolo got me a gaming keyboard and mouse. It’s amazing. I used to not like that Paolo’s love language was gifts but when you’re stuck in quarantine and your husband goes out of his way to get you the gummies you like, KBBQ meat & gaming stuff to keep you from having your 1 millionth anxiety attack- a girl can’t complain.
I’m actually really grateful.
It’s been a really weird couple of months and I wish I had thought to blog again sooner but you know- sometimes the best ideas come to you in the middle of the night while your dog is pushing you off to the edge of the bed.