Year 14

So here we are, again. 15 years of talking to you- 2 platforms (we miss you, xanga), multiple jobs, typos, boyfriends, a husband, homes, stories & adventures later- I find myself sitting down during the last day of the year feeling content and doing the one thing that has always felt familiar and safe to me.

If I have never told you, I am so grateful for you. I am so grateful for this life.

SO LET’S GET TO IT!

1.Will you be looking for a new job?

Answered in 2006: i will try to find another way to make money so, yeah, i guess.
Answered in 2007: uhm, i think i’ll just add whatever i can think of aside from selling munchkins cuz i can’t do that in COLLEGE. so yeah, maybe. i’m always trying to find different ways to make money anyways. lmao.
Answered in 2008: no. i see myself as a nurse now. amazingly. yeah, i am as SHOCKED as you are.
Answered in 2009: as much as i appreciate my parents for sending me to college, nursing will never be something i love and i won’t stop reaching for that thing that’ll bring me contentness so yes, i will. but i’m speaking ahead of myself.
Answered in 2010: I have been unemployed all of my life, unfortunately. But this year I am going to try to make some extra income. I have my hopes set high for being a certified blogger in the Cebu scene.
Answered in 2011:It doesn’t really matter what I’m doing specifically. I just want the passion and the drive to do it and to keep doing it for a very long time.
Answered in 2013: I hope not. I am FINALLY working for the family business, the business I’ve been wanting to work under for as long as I can remember. I’m here now, I’m going to make the most out of it.
Answered in 2014: Ironically, last year I was in love with a job I currently hate so I guess life really is full of surprises. I like my NEW job and I intend to open up a few businesses so hopefully next year, I’ll be able to say that it was a success!
Answered in 2015: If there’s anything I’ve learned about myself, it is that I cannot keep a day job to save my life and that I like to manage my own time. So for as long as what I do allows me to do so while paying for the bills, then count me in!
Answered in 2016: https://issatalks.wordpress.com/2016/12/
Answered in 2017: Last year I entered 2017 with very little expectations. I had no plans, no dreams- just the hope that something interesting would happen. I took 2017 as my year of figuring out what I really wanted to do because I never want to look back at a missed opportunity knowing that I never tried. Growing up I always said I wanted to be an actress so in 2017, I tried it out and was able to get a non speaking role for Adober’s original series, Unspoken Rules which has gathered over 3 million views on Facebook. I also auditioned for an indie movie, worked in a commercial (which I mistakenly thought was my first but was actually not)- I’ve explored the world and industry of film and acting and am confident to say that if the opportunity comes in 2018, I would willfully take it head on. I dream of writing something beautiful one day and working in production and what not- we’ll see.
I took on more blogging and vlogging projects last year, which I realized is my true passion. I have been lucky in this industry to have been given the opportunity to take on great projects and although I often deal with your everyday entitled, stuck up millennial, I have also been blessed with the abilities to choose the right people and detach myself from the asses so despite all the drama the world of “influencers” and their constant fight for popularity, I have remained sane and immune.
In all these endevours, plus working online, I was able to balance and have time to do more. I was still bored, I was craving for more creative outlets and this is how my podcast, IssaTalks started. It was a running idea which I jumped into head on and just a few months in, I was able to represent the Philippines’ (for the first time) during International Podcast day and it’s just been an awesome time since then.
But it still wasn’t enough. I still craved for more and this is how H&S Clothing came into play. H&S Clothing is not anything amazing, it’s simply me taking over our family business, the business that was able to put me and 2 other siblings through college while providing us with a good life and in 2018, I’m going to work extra hard to provide for my 1st family and eventually for my own.
Answered in 2018: Yes and no. My line of work requires me to work with multiple brands & companies so this year, I wish to continue to grow my portfolio both for H&S and issaplease. I wish to create better and smarter content and to become a well- known brand and also for H&S to be recognized as a leader in apparel manufacturing.
I wish for more opportunities and experiences in terms of my client base and of course, I want to keep giving public talks hopefully on an international platform.

2019:

I never addressed it publicly but this year we closed down H&S Clothing. At the middle of the year, when the decision had to be made, I was absolutely devastated. I felt like I had let myself down & the many things I had planned for it and the business my parents created.

In 2018, I was given the opportunity to have my own show and I jumped into it head first without even second guessing it. I was willing to juggle H&S Clothing, wedding planning and eventually a marriage, blogging & vlogging because tbh, I wanted to have it all- at my own expense. 

In 2019, when Bayhana launched, we realized that something had to give and we chose H&S for multiple reasons. I don’t regret it but I often times miss it and feel immense remorse for the livelihoods that I no longer provide for but for the most part, I am extremely contented and relieved with my decision.

Next year I am taking on the role of Chief Talent Officer for BaiTv while continuing to do Bayhana, I will work beside Paolo for our now businesses (internet cafes & a couple cafe’s) and who knows, I might even be a mom! So… I think that’s a lot.

2.Will you be looking for a new relationship?
Answered in 2006: i don’t know if i wanna put myself in a “serious relationship” situation or if i like playing around. so, right now, i think i’ll take whatever comes.
Answered in 2007: no. i’m happy with the one i’m in now.
Answered in 2008: no. i love having a boyfriend. and most of all, i love james. no matter what.
Answered in 2009: i hate reading my previous answers. i was so naive. yes, i will be looking for a new relationship. hopefully this time it will be a healthy one and this time i will be truly happy.
Answered in 2010: Well, it’s nice to know that SOME dreams come true. I did find myself a good and happy relationship and I do hope that this is the one for me. Since I’ve started, I’ve never really liked speaking so soon but with Paolo, he makes me believe in a forever.
Answered in 2011: I’m in a relationship now and I really don’t feel the need to find another one. Hopefully not though.
Answered in 2013: God, I hope not.
Answered in 2014: HEEEE. NO. :>
Answered in 2015: 4 years and I am still in love with the same man. I like where I am.
Answered in 2017: No, because we’re ENGAGED!
Answered in 2018: I now see that I’ve been looking at this answer the wrong way. Al this time I’ve always related this question with romantic inclinations but I think this year I’m going to answer it a bit differently. This year our family is going to grow so I do look forward to creating deep and meaningful relationships with my new family. I also look forward to better friendships with the friends I already have and fruitful relationships healthy for business & growth.

2019:

Gimme a second to say this… WE’RE MARRIED!!!

3. New house?
Answered in 2006: hopefully. i wanna go back to apas.:(
Answered in 2007: god knows how much i want to.
Answered in 2008: oh god. i wish!
Answered in 2009: for the first time, i’m happy in this little house. i’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how big my house is as long as i have a happy family.
Answered in 2010: No. Sun Valley is growing on me. Lol
Answered in 2011: I’m hoping to move out. But we’ll see if I have the money and the willpower to do so. If not in 2011 then maybe the next.
Answered in 2013: If the pay is good, the rent is cheap and place is close to work then yes, by all means!
Answered in 2014: Maybe, maybe not. BUT IN YOUR FACE 2013, I MOVED OUT!
Answered in 2015: Truthfully thinking about it. Very, very much.
Answered in 2017: Looking and hoping while having severe separation anxiety from the thought of leaving our little haven. I love it here.
Answered in 2018: This year Paolo and I moved from our studio unit apartment to a 2 bedroom apartment to a 85 sqm condominium in the heart of the city. It was generously lent to us by Paolo’s parents so we could save money for the wedding but in truth, I wish we could stay here forever. We haven’t really talked about moving because in reality, property is sooo freakin’ expensive but we’ll see.

2019:

We are currently living in the same condo from last year. We’ve been talking about moving but we haven’t made any concrete plans yet. I know this is gonna sound so tacky but honestly, it doesn’t matter where I live as long as we are together. I love Paolo so much. Even he just walked by me saying, “ok, it’s time for pooping”.

4. What will you do different in 07?
Answered in 2006: i will embrace everyday. i won’t let too many things pass me by and I will take more chances. that means, find the guts to sneak out.
Answered in 2007: this year, i’m going to live more. appreciate more, curse LESS, for once in my life i will be OPTIMISTIC! care more, earn more, continue to take more chances, pay more attention, learn to listen, control my temper better, love more, pray more, fight for myself more, be more independent, be better, be stronger, be smarter, be more responsible, PARTY MORE!, mean what i say more and i will not forget to ALWAYS BE REAL. dami.
Answered in 2008: this year, i’m going to focus on my studies and try my best to be a better girlfriend. i just realized that maybe the reasons why i was such a bad gf to james is because i’m selfish. i’ll try to change that. but then again, it’s hard to break old habits ;]
Answered in 2009: for the first time, i’m happy in this little house. i’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how big my house is as long as i have a happy family.
Answered in 2010: . I’m going to try to be a better person in general this year. Less judgmental and maybe I’ll try to not always have the need to have an opinion on everyone/ everything.
Answered in 2011: I don’t know. I refuse to think about these kinds of things either.
Answered in 2013: I really don’t know. To be honest, I haven’t really thought that much about the new year. Maybe I’ll just play it by ear. Oh, maybe in 2014 I’ll try to remember more.
Answered in 2014: Be more diligent with work and business but will also to be sure to reward myself by traveling more.
Answered in 2015: More: work, travel, laughs, exploring more options and practicing my creativity, exercise Less: unwise spending, eating, alcoholing and smoking
Answered in 2017: Definitely a huge change in lifestyle choices. It’s not just about me at this point, as weird as it is to say, it’s about our future children and trying to live as long as possible to see them grow up while living a full life with our future family. omg. am I seriously saying these things??
Answered in 2018: I’ve made a promise to myself to be smarter when it comes to work. I want to increase my knowledge & skills and implement the goals and plans I set for myself and for others. I wish to be more enthusiastic in terms of wedding planning (HAHA), to try and manage my anger in a more effective and less harmful way, I intend to be smarter with my money and to be more fruitful in terms of work. I think I’m a little more motivated this time around since the dust has settled and I know which parts of my life I really want to concentrate on. In the last years everything was trial and error and everything was a bit of a blur but there’s a little bit more certainty.

2019:

2019 was really about having to come to terms with a lot of things. (Paolo just screamed TONG ITS! I felt like it was important to document) I had to face the harsh reality that I cannot do everything- which was so painful to do.

So in the next year, I won’t force myself to do everything half heartedly, instead I really have to identify my priorities and focus on that entirely. I still need to figure those things out but I’ll eventually let you know how that goes. lol

5. New Years resolution?
Answered in 2006: not to slouch not to write on myself wear more colors embrace things more etc. etc.
Answered in 2007: i don’t have any this year
Answered in 2008: oh, you just have to wait for that.
Answered in 2009: to do things differently and not based on the fears i have based from past relationships.
Answered in 2010: I’ve realized that resolutions are short lived but so far, I have achieved most of my resolutions and for this year, I wish:

1. To be more goal oriented
2. To eat healthier (VEGETABLES!!)
3. To pay off my debt (Php 6,500.00)
4. To find a way to make extra income
5. To make my hosting debut (if I get it) a stepping stone for my career
6. To stop writing blasphemous entries on my xanga
7. To drink at least 5 glasses of water a day

Answered in 2011: I have none
Answered in 2013: To be more accommodating to my mom & siblings and be around more since my papa isn’t around…
Answered in 2014: MAYBE TO EAT HEALTHIER! And to work out. I’m going to sign up to the gym… ON MONDAY!
Answered in 2015: Bitaw guys, true na gyud ni. To work out and lose 10 pounds. :’))
Answered in 2017:  To stop smoking, to save money and to lose weight.
Answered in 2018: I have s very, veryyy long list of resolutions or goals, as I like to call them but just to be shallow- I would really like to fit into my wedding dress! HAHA

2019:

1. To create honest, well thought of content for Bayhana
2. To be more conscious in terms of health and lifestyle
3. To be a better wife to Paolo

I usually do this bit on a piece of paper on my journals so I’m really gonna have to get back to you on this one, too!

6. What will you not be doing in 07?
Answered in 2006: kissing random boys.
Answered in 2007: running away from home, getting into HUGE fights with james, slipping away from my friends, having PMS, cursing as much, loosing/ wasting money
Answered in 2008: all the things i said i wouldn’t do last year. Hehe
Answered in 2009: kissing random boys and getting too drunk.
Answered in 2010: I make myself laugh. Getting into trouble because of xanga; getting into any more fights with my family; hitting Paolo
Answered in 2011: Loosing myself and forgetting my priorities.I will not be so angry and temperamental. I will not allow myself to destroy the things that are good for me.
Answered in 2013: I cannot say. There are no limits in this life… or so I’ve learned.
Answered in 2014: Shutting my doors to the possibilities of anything.
Answered in 2015: Getting myself into trouble or rubbing shoulders with the wrong type of people. 2. Forgetting where I came from.
Answered in 2017: Hopefully bankrupt.
Answered in 2018: Filing for bankruptcy. I will not go broke. I will also not shut down any of businesses, lose anything to theft or arson, I will not be getting into any accidents, public altercations and anything of the like.

2019:

First of all, boop. Sorry 2018, Issa. I did the thing I said I would not do. lol.

Anyways, in 2020 I will not: I don’t know. I will not… die?

Seriously, I will not lose sight of what is important to me.

7. Any trips planned?
Answered in 2006: moal boal. but knowing my mother, that won’t push through!
Answered in 2007: none so far.
Answered in 2008: none so far.
Answered in 2009: to your heart HAHAHA
Answered in 2010: maybe to go somewhere with Paolo because we’ve never done that before.
Answered in 2011: Manila. Boracay. China. Anywhere good for business
Answered in 2013: China (for business & pleasure), Somewhere local (with Paolo), Bangkok (with friends)… But I’ll have to get a passport first. -.-
Answered in 2014: Siargao, Manila & Korea!
Answered in 2015: Manila, Malapascua, the States (hopefully!), Palawan and hopefully somewhere nice with Paolo. (We deserve it!)
Answered in 2017: Manila, anywhere we can CAMP/ GLAMP, hoping for Hong Kong/ Japan. Dreaming of going back to the motherland.
Answered in 2018: Paolo and I intend to go on a Mediterranean cruise for our honeymoon and I also really want to be able to go to the States this year. I also have a Palawan trip planned thanks to Cebu Pacific but I also really want to go to Bangkok, Japan, Korea and maybe back to Singapore. I also hope that all the trips be sponsored. lol.

2019:

Paolo and I have yet to go on our honeymoon and I still wish for this to happen for us because it feels like things will be in a better place this 2020. I keep saying this and I hope this is the year but I hope to finally be able to go back to the States to visit my family. Honestly, if I could have it my way- I’d be traveling every month. hahaha. Be careful what you wish for, Issa.

8. Wedding plans?
Answered in 2006: aunt Debbie
Answered in 2007: mine
Answered in 2008: hopefully none of my friends.
Answered in 2009: no ones. hopefully. Still
Answered in 2010: I’m currently engaged and maybe soon. 2019 EDIT: ISSA, NO YOU WERE NOT. HAHAHAHA
Answered in 2011: Definitely not for myself.
Answered in 2013: Yes, but not mine.
Answered in 2014: Yes, but not mine. [same answer as last year]
Answered in 2015: Not mine.
Answered in 2017: This is so weird but yes. A big fat YES!
Answered in 2018: Yes! We are set to wed in April 27, 2019 at 1:00 pm at the St. Francis Xajier chapel with the reception to follow at the Grand Ballroom of Casino Español. The theme of the wedding will be bario fiesta decided on today and we would very much like cash instead of gifts. If anyone is reading this and does charity work, our house needs a paint job for the dress up so if you’re feeling generous- hit me up! HAHA

2019:

Can I just say- I am extremely proud of Paolo & I for actually being adults and getting married! I’m tearing up but I never thought me, Issa, one of the most f*cked up people in the universe, actually got her shit together and married the love of her life.

Will we do it again? Probably not after 10 years! (Paolo just won 22k on Tong Its Wars!)

But next year it’s my friend’s turns to get married. We have JV & Yuki, Nina & Chriad, Baril & Ditan  and Iway & Matt. I think Mayjoy & Val are also getting married but I also think I’m wrong.

9. Major thing on your calendar?
Answered in 2006: PROM!
Answered in 2007: GRADUATION!!!
Answered in 2008: the end of my first year of COLLEGE!
Answered in 2009: Bohol with Bayot and just lots of fun trips with friends
Answered in 2010: Garland ceremony, thesis making, turning 21?
Answered in 2011: April 15, 2012 – Graduation! December 12, 2012
Answered in 2013: Maybe a second triathlon, A thrid year anniversary, Uhm… nothing, really.
Answered in 2014: Saying goodbye to my entire family who’ll be leaving for big bad America. THANKS FOR LEAVING ME HERE, BTW!
Answered in 2015: As of the moment: Being an Island Souvenirs’ Sinulog ambassador, applying for my Visa and travelling. But 2016 Issa will have to write about this instead…
Answered in 2017: Wedding planning, living situation planning, baby planning, businesses and the one million things I intend to do with my life.
Answered in 2018: Well, the wedding, of course. Traveling. BaiTv relaunching my Aye Bilat! series. H&S being on its second year of operations. So so many things.

2019:

Nothing is set in stone but in 2020 I wish to organize a Women’s Month event where we cater to different women and just celebrate! I actually have to start talking to people for this but if I can actually get this to happen, this would be stellar.

I would also like to work with more charities, get more paying projects (your girl’s gotta eat!), travel more, maybe get pregnant & give birth before my 30th and you know, casual things.

10. What can’t you wait for?
Answered in 2006: summer and sinulog and mega parties.
Answered in 2007: graduating, college, being 18, being able to party like a wild monkey and hopefully having a REALLY nice year with james.
Answered in 2008: good times. a life worth living. success in school.
Answered in 2009: graduation so it’ll finally be over with.
Answered in 2010: This year? Turning a year with Paolo and achieving all my dreams.
Answered in 2011: I cannot wait to graduate and start working and finally be able to go to design school
Answered in 2013: A car, a new place to live, Paolo’s 711 to open, A possible new business
Answered in 2014: Saving enough money to travel and maybe buy a car!
Answered in 2015: Finding out if I can see my papa again, more blogging opportunities and being able to work with bigger brands, a more fruitful year for Paolo and I
Answered in 2017: Honestly, I don’t know. As much as I enjoy the thought of being married to Paolo, it’s not necessarily something I absolutely cannot wait for simply because I want to enjoy being engaged, planning the wedding and the last few moments we have before trying to start our own family. But I am definitely excited to have human babies and fur babies and scaley babies.
Answered in 2018: I just can’t wait to have everyone I love in the same room together. I can’t wait to see Miguel again.

2019:

I just can’t wait to see where life will take me in the next year. I don’t know what to expect but I know it’s going to be amazing!

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
Answered in 2006: the player falling for the princess and the princess not catching him
Answered in 2007: my relationship with my family. i just want PEACE.
Answered in 2008: my papa’s health fully restored.
Answered in 2009: i just want to be happy this year. no more drama. i would want everything to be easy for me for once. i wanna be the lucky one.
Answered in 2010: I would want to see a miracle happen with my lolo. I want him to be normal again.
Answered in 2011: I would like to actually do something that I am passionate about for once. And also have things change with me and my papa. I can’t always be his little girl.
Answered in 2013: I’d like to be more emotionally in control this year. Meaning, less crying, less over analyzing, bickering, competing. I feel like I have all this negativity cramped up in such a small body and I just want to be a better person- physically, emotionally and maybe even spiritually. I want to be more in control over myself and handle everything in a manner wherein I feel like I’m in killer heels and an expensive dress- even in my sleep.
Answered in 2014: I don’t know….
Answered in 2015: A stronger, more resilient and confident version of myself. Not someone who’s a push over or is afraid of conflict though I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing. Oh, I don’t know, really. Maybe I would just like to see a few people go home to where they’re from. lol.
Answered in 2017: 2017 was the best because I came into it with very little expectations which I think was the best thing I ever did so I’d like to keep doing this, as much as possible from now on
Answered in 2018: While there’s not much that I would change I would like to not have as many financial problems and mishaps. I had so much to learn in terms of money this year as H&S has become my sole property (but of course, mom gets her share.). I want to say that I am financially stable and not just depending on one source of income. I would also really like to not get stuck creatively and be able to balance out my priorities more effectively .

2019:

I would like to say that in 2020 I would like to not be so emotionally burdened by my grandmother. But saying that would mean that she would actually have to die and we don’t want that so instead, I would like to see myself handle my stress a lot better.

I would like to be able to carry myself with more finesse and not have to feel like I am carrying the weight on my shoulders or if impossible, so burdened by it. That’s asking for a lot. Nevermind. lol.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
Answered in 2006: a l o t
Answered in 2007: a l o t
Answered in 2008: a lot
Answered in 2009: not much
Answered in 2010: how I handle my temper and how I treat people when I’m mad. especially Paolo.
Answered in 2011: Yeah, I refuse to answer questions like this. Completely pointless.
Answered in 2013: Refer to 11. & 5.
Answered in 2014: I need to stop being a pampered princess and rough it up a bit, for sure.
Answered in 2015: I am currently in the process of trying to be more motivated to work and thrive in a very competitive environment. This is not a new year’s resolution, I repeat. This is NOT a new year’s resolution. It is in fact, something that I have been trying to cope with for a while. I used to deal with being too competitive with other people without them knowing it and since I have overcome that, I feel like the opposite of that has turned out to be passiveness. I would like to find the right mix between determination without being too resentful of the things I do not have.. whatever that mix is.
Answered in 2017: Can I please be skinny this year? Oh, my work ethic
Answered in 2018: My weight. My anger. My time management. My priorities. My finances. My health.

2019:

It is always towards this part of the survey I realize what an angry person I tend to be HAHA Have I never learned to manage my anger after all these years? lol.

But, in fairness to me, I have improved. I can now identify which situations require my attention and what things I allow to affect me. I’ve gotten quite good at that but I still tend to be overly emotional. I’ll admit that and I guess I’ll keep trying to improve that aspect about me. When it comes to my anger, I guess I need to work on how I approach confrontation and listening to what Paolo has to say. I hate to say this but sometimes I blank out when he start talking and I know he hates that. hahaha.

Also, I really need to start creating better habits and routines. I’ve been all over the place lately.

13. What happened in 06 that you didnt think would ever happen?
Answered in 2006: HAHA. a lot!
Answered in 2007: GOD. first, having a REAL boyfriend, leaving the house, maintaining my grades
Answered in 2008: being hit by james…
Answered in 2009: breaking up with james and picking myself from all the mess. being able to move on and find myself. even though it was such a hard process.
Answered in 2010: meeting Paolo, making it all the way to the 3rd year, auditioning for something in college, my lolo having a stroke. EVERYTHING. i never expected anything to happen this year. Maybe that was the beauty of it all.
Answered in 2011:I never thought that I would stumble and have to pick myself up so many times this year. Too many times.
Answered in 2013: I NEVER thought I would get laid off, The earthquake, Yolanda, My sudden obsession over shoes & dresses, My addiction to board games, Learning how to cook, Given power in the company (the best, by far)
Answered in 2014: Hating a job I had waited forever to get, moving out (again) and more permanently, finding a new job, and just becoming my own new person.
Answered in 2015: Being friends, if not, closer to my biological father. Being given all the opportunities  I have been given this year (contracts, ambassadorships, sponsors, features, etc.)
Answered in 2017: Moving into our beautiful home with Paolo (twice), starting a podcast, taking over a business, being in various ads, getting engaged and making more friends despite saying that I no longer needed any.
Answered in 2018: Well for one, I didn’t expect mama & Miguel to actually and finally move to the States. I didn’t expect to have to take over the role of my mother in the familial setting and I didn’t expect to be able to run H&S Clothing and not completely run it to the ground. lol.

2019:

I never thought that H&S would actually close. It was so easy for me to do and I sometimes feel guilty for not feeling too guilty about it. I sleep better, I’m less angry and I no longer feel like I am alone. I don’t like talking about it though so pls. don’t ask me about it. I haven’t really confronted myself about it. I think it’s shame.

But also, I also never thought that I would have my own show- Bayhana. I never thought that I could positively affect so many people that way we are able to through the show. There were so many hesitations at first- would people understand it, would people like it, moreover, would they like ME. Was I actually going to do THIS, was I actually going to do THAT but now we are 17 episodes in, 4.7 million views on my first video, an average of 50k views/ video, a community of 800 people and counting and just so many things to be grateful for.

I also never thought that Paolo & I would actually get married and in the fashion that we did. It was honestly one of the best days of my life and we remember it so fondly- even if we can’t actually remember the last parts of it. We got f*ck faced, if you haven’t realized the context yet. There were so many things about the wedding that I never thought would happen but I’m so happy that they did and I could truly go on forever and I will. In bits and pieces.

Lastly, I cannot believe that God has given me such an amazing life. I am grateful everyday for the amazing opportunities and I can’t wait for what else is in store for us.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
Answered in 2006: uhm .. i have to think about it.
Answered in 2007: GOD. first, having a REAL boyfriend, leaving the house, maintaining my grades
Answered in 2008: oh yes
Answered in 2009: yeah, i know who my friends are now and i know who i cherish and i’m not going to make the same mistakes i made before.
Answered in 2010: definitely.
Answered in 2011: Without a doubt in my mind.
Answered in 2013: I will try. The ones we care about are always the easiest to hurt.
Answered in 2014: Even to the ones I don’t.
Answered in 2015: Even to the ones I don’t. (Same as last year). “Kill them with kindness.” or just bug the fuck out of them!
Answered in 2017: Yes, absolutely!
Answered in 2018: Yes, I guess so. lol. I think that my patience has grown a lot this year but I also think that I need to be a little firmer. I need to be more expressive and not always be too scared to hurt others feelings. I’m always so afraid of having a negative effect on peoples’ lives out of fear that I can’t take back the things that I say so I lash out to people I don’t actually care about but I think there’s some backlash in that. It’s hard to forgive someone you don’t know especially when there’s no backbone to your inclination to hurt them but when it’s someone you love, I think it’s different. I don’t exactly know what my point is but basically… I’m going to be speaking up and out a bit more.

2019:

Here is my concept: I will be nice to the people I care about, I will be nice to those I do not care about but I will not let people push me around and abuse me.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06?
Answered in 2006: i hope i gain some fashion sense this year!
Answered in 2007: if i can afford to then, why not
Answered in 2008: i can FINALLY afford to so yes, it will.
Answered in 2009: it depends
Answered in 2010: I’m always up to a challenge.
Answered in 2011: I’ve learned that style and taste are things that you are born with and not really something you acquire. So whether or not I choose to dress up or down, my only wish is to do so with grace and class.
Answered in 2013: No, I still dress up like my cabinet puked on me.
Answered in 2014: Always.
Answered in 2015: I cannot say.
Answered in 2017: I cannot say.
Answered in 2018: As a matter of fact, I do intend to. I want to be more feminine in my fashion. I wanna wear pretty dresses and nice fitting clothes. I swallowed myself in loose garments this year because I was so conscious of my weight. Didn’t help that specific people around me would rub my weight gain in my face so I couldn’t stand to even look at myself in anything that was tight hugging. I’m not saying that I suddenly gained this amazing boost of confidence of 2019 swept in but I plan to try and work on my body and at the same time try and find clothes that look good on me and my body without being so goddamn conscious.

2019:

We’ll see. I don’t know if I’ve ever said this out loud but I find this question totally unnecessary.

16. Will you start or quit smoking?
Answered in 2006: i might start. but idon’t see myself as a smoker, really.
Answered in 2007: if i wasn’t so darn committed to my boyfriend, i’d start.
Answered in 2008: if i wasn’t so darn committed to my boyfriend, i’d start.
Answered in 2009: stop.
Answered in 2010: haha. funny kaayo ni, grabeh! stop na. Stop.
Answered in 2011: Hoping to stop like I do every year.
Answered in 2013: Continue until further notice. (I’m just being realistic!)
Answered in 2014: –
Answered in 2015: Continue to quit! YEY!!! ^_^
Answered in 2017: Quit. It’s funny because on this survey you can trace the moments I decided to start followed by the many years I’ve decided to quit but PLEASE LET THIS BE THE YEAR. FOR OUR CHILDREN!
Answered in 2018: I intend to quit but let’s be honest, I’ve been saying this for the last 7 years. I’ve been buying vapes every year for the last 2 years and here I am, still a smoker. So up until I actually and successfully do- please wish me luck.

2019:

This year I broke 2 vapes. I barely touched them and yet they still broke. I just felt like saying that. But, I have also continued to quite smoking for the past 7-8 months with a few slip ups but for the most part, I don’t crave for cigarettes or vapes anymore so I think and I hope that finally after 11 years, I am actually able to put this bad habit of mine behind me.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
Answered in 2006: no. i don’t know. i just want my mm to shut up
Answered in 2007: yeah, i’ll try.
Answered in 2008: so far,i wouldn’t change anything. i like how my relationship with my family is na
Answered in 2009: yes, i’m going to be a better sister to casey and a more responsible sister to miguel. i will try to set a better example for them and most especially, i’m going to try harder with the Chua family. i never really cared much for family before but i guess you’ll learn how important it is in the long run.
Answered in 2010: one thing I’ve realized is that no matter how much you hate each other, family is family and at the end of the day- they’re the only ones you’ve got. If I can make things better than they already are then yes, that’s something I would want.
Answered in 2011: Yes. I will try to have the patience to not want to kill Casey, a longer attention span for Miguel, a more listening ear for my mom and I’ll try to be more understanding to my papa.
Answered in 2013: Yes, everyday I am working on it.
Answered in 2014: Definitely. But God, why is my mother so difficult to love??
Answered in 2015: Yes, always
Answered in 2017: I will be acquiring a new family soon and be starting our own. It’s always been about family and it will be about family.
Answered in 2018: Of course. It has and always will be about family.

2019:

Yes, and honestly, I really hope to start our own.

18. Will you do charity work?
Answered in 2006: YES!
Answered in 2007: yeah, it’s my humble pie. :]
Answered in 2008: maybe not.
Answered in 2009: proli.i would like to.
Answered in 2010: Ako man ang kinahanglan ug charity oie.
Answered in 2011: If the opportunity presents itself then by all means, yes.
Answered in 2013: Hopefully. Been eyeing a few organizations already.
Answered in 2014: If given the opportunity, always.
Answered in 2015: If given the opportunity, yes.
Answered in 2017: By all means, yes.
Answered in 2018: This year I was given the opportunity to work with various charitable causes whether it was through donations or actual hands on work. Every experience was amazing and I do hope to be given more chances in 2019. I’ve been particularly interested in spreading awareness about Women’s Health and I wish to create an impact in that space whether it be through spreading awareness or through other charitable work. We’ll see how that goes…

2019:

19. Will you go to bars?
Answered in 2006: yeah. i want to. i soo want to!
Answered in 2007: yep. more frequently
Answered in 2008: maybe not.
Answered in 2009: not as much. it gets old. same scene, same mistakes… with different people
Answered in 2010: Depends
Answered in 2011: If I have to.
Answered in 2013: I am ready to give that part of my life up already.
Answered in 2014: Only when necessary.
Answered in 2015: If given the opportunity, yes.
Answered in 2017: Hopefully not as much but enough to preserve the youth.
Answered in 2018: I don’t really care if we do or if we don’t, to be honest.

2019:

Again, another very unnecessary question. lol.

20. Will you be nice to people you dont know?
Answered in 2006: not that i’m ever mean to them but ok…
Answered in 2007: * yeah, i will. and i’ll spread somma that niceness on james.
Answered in 2008: + maybe not.
Answered in 2009: = maybe. i am who i am and i’m not sorry for that.
Answered in 2010: . yes, I’ll start accepting more people on FB now. lol. No, really. I will. I’ve thought about that before.
Answered in 2011: Nice to people who deserve it. Seriously, what kind of questions are these? I can’t believe I allowed myself to answer the same shit every year.
Answered in 2013: Aren’t I always?
Answered in 2014: Indeed!
Answered in 2015: Yes, but I shall practice the RBF more frequently.
Answered in 2017: I have always.
Answered in 2018: I always have been naman. At least I’d like to believe.

2019:

Without a doubt in my heart.

21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
Answered in 2006: i hope it will. i just want a good, fun year
Answered in 2007: yeah, i do.
Answered in 2008: maybe not.
Answered in 2009: i don’t but i would want it to.
Answered in 2010: I don’t expect anything.
Answered in 2011: I am never one to expect. Whatever happens happens, you know.
Answered in 2013: I am depending on it!
Answered in 2014: Always.
Answered in 2015: I am always hoping for the best.
Answered in 2017: I have always.
Answered in 2018: Every year has been extremely good to me and I pray that it continues to be good. I don’t expect because the universe does not owe me anything but I don’t expect it to be horrible to me either.

2019:

I don’t expect anything but I pray that it will be.

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
Answered in 2006: i changed.
Answered in 2007: oh so much. i can’t even believe i was so much more hate the world than i already am last year.
Answered in 2008: things have definetely changed, my friend.
Answered in 2009: immensely. i am not the same person i used to be.
Answered in 2010: completely.
Answered in 2011: I am always changing because that is the most natural thing to do.
Answered in 2013: When exactly was from this time? Did I always answer this question so sarcastically? (Hold on let me check)
Answered in 2014: I’d like to believe I’ve become more independent than I was before and I’m much less ignorant, which is nice. But at the same time, I don’t think I’m as enthusiastic as I was before but hopefully this is just a phase.
Answered in 2015: When I look back at my previous answers that have led up to this day, I come to realize that there are many things that have changed and have remained the same. In a way, I have changed for the good and the bad and I can’t deny, there are some aspects of old Issa that I wish I still was up to today. I guess ignorance is bliss and I have aged well.
1 example of a weird change is that I can no longer stay up until 3 in the morning. I usually pass out by 1 or 2. Also, this is the first time I am finishing parts of this blog entry in the morning with a cup of coffee. OLD.
Answered in 2017: A lot and hardly at all.
Answered in 2018: I think I’ve changed. I’ve become more mature and more level headed, I think. I think I’ve stopped spreading myself too thin and learned to not waste time on people and relationships that are a waste of time. I also think I’ve changed in the ways that I see life. I’m a little more practical, I would like to believe and I also care more about my impact on society more than anything.

2019:

I think my perception has changed a lot. I no longer think too much about myself but more about the impact I create on others. I know I have a lot to work on as I am after all, a selfish person, but I am constantly striving to improve.

I think my biggest change is how I perceive marriage and the concept of being someone’s wife. I have always been such a non conformist- I didn’t want to change my name at the fear of losing my own identity, I didn’t want to be a traditional wife and all these concepts but look at me now, I cook, I clean- not because it’s my duty as a wife but because I want to and because we both do. It’s not my responsibility as just a wife but I have comfort in knowing that both of us see it as our responsibilities as adults. Am I making sense?

23. Do you plan on having a child?
Answered in 2006: hell no.
Answered in 2007: still, no.
Answered in 2008: oh jesus, no.
Answered in 2009: NO! [ i can’t wait til my answer here is YES!]
Answered in 2010: HAHAHA then this is the year. Kidding. I do want a baby but not yet. I’m not ready :}
Answered in 2011: Yes, I do. But not any time soon
Answered in 2013: At the start of 2013, I was pretty sure that I wanted 5 children. Close towards the end, I wanted 2. Now, I’d be ok with a dog.
Answered in 2014: Marriage first. Child, 5 years later.
Answered in 2015: Maybe not this year.
Answered in 2017: If not this year then definitely the next. We want furry children!!!
Answered in 2018: Paolo and I have been talking about and I really think I’m not ready but really, when WILL we ever really be ready? Honestly, I don’t hate the idea of it and I also agree with the thought that we wanna know if it can actually happen so you know, honestly, it’ll happen when it happens. We’ll really just have to see.

2019:

As of December 2019, we have already started trying. Have we been successful? The menstrual cup stuffed up my lady hole says no but hopes that we will be soon.

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with?
Answered in 2006: not all.
Answered in 2007: most of them.
Answered in 2008: yes.
Answered in 2009: no. not all. i know who to keep na.
Answered in 2010: hopefully.
Answered in 2011: I really can’t say.
Answered in 2013: Perhaps. But I wouldn’t mind getting rid of a few.
Answered in 2014: Yes, until unnecessary.
Answered in 2015: I’ve pretty much weeded out 2015’s friends list and I think I am going into 2016 with a great roster of friends so, yes.
Answered in 2017: Most likely. But I’ll be honest, I would really like to stop talking to a few people
Answered in 2018: Yes naman. I don’t hate anyone and I do want to keep the ones I have. I don’t have any issues with anyone.

2019:

As Howard & Penny said: Why don’t any of our friends listen to us?

25. Major lifestyle changes?
Answered in 2006: maybe. i wanna be a party girl. Lol
Answered in 2007: not major. oh, maybe major. i still wanna be a party girl. i want my boyfriend to be my best accessory during those times. i just want to be fabulous. [but i’ll have to be RICH first. haha]
Answered in 2008: yeah. maybe i’ll hang out with my friends more.
Answered in 2009: ugh why did i wanna be a “party girl” so much? it’s disgusting. if i could tell myself the things i know now.  Llifestyle? i just want my life to be filled with people i love.
Answered in 2010: Basta di lang lagi ko ma diabetic, ok ra kaayo.
Answered in 2011: I’ll finally be done with college then I’ll work for a year, probably move out of the house and start living on my own. I’ve never actually lived on my own before so I guess that’s the most major anything can get right now.
Answered in 2013: More work, less Paolo, hopefully more time for friends.
Answered in 2014: A healthier lifestyle, a COMMITMENT to keep that vow, more work and play
Answered in 2015: I honestly hope so.
Answered in 2017: Lots. And lots. and lots!
Answered in 2018: Yes, in terms of food and lifestyle. I hope this smoking and drinking thing can be put in the past na. I hate being fat.

2019:

(Paolo is STILL playing Tong It’s Go & is now back to 100,000) yes, lots and lots of them. Diet, exercise, spending, working, saving, cleaning habits, etc.

26. Will you be moving?
Answered in 2006: hope so
Answered in 2007: doubt it.
Answered in 2008: no, don’t think so.
Answered in 2009: nope. doubt it.
Answered in 2010: nope
Answered in 2011: Well, it depends.
Answered in 2013: You mean out of the country? Hopefully never.
Answered in 2014: Not until further notice
Answered in 2015: I honestly hope so.
Answered in 2017: Lots. And lots. and lots!
Answered in 2018: No plans.

2019:

Stay tuned!

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen 07?
Answered in 2006: giving away confetti
Answered in 2007: giving away confetti. and the bad fights. and failing college or not fitting in it. and forgetting who my friends are or who i am and my values and the Lord.
Answered in 2008: loosing my confetti. and loosing james.
Answered in 2009: i’m not going to be a hypocrite here and talk about confetti. not on xanga because this is the only place where i can be truly honest without fear of judgment. This year, i will not take about drugs because that’s one of the things i am proud of. I will NOT fail any classes again and i am not going to be the 3rd person in a relationship again. i am not going to get myself into stupid drama and i am not going to turn into someone with no values and morals.
Answered in 2010: getting pregnant. and loosing Paolo.
Answered in 2011: I will not get pregnant, I will not NOT graduate and I will not do anything that could possibly get me killed. I could be more serious but I don’t want to. Lol
Answered in 2013: Bankruptcy
Answered in 2014: Unplanned pregnancies, bankruptcy, robbery, separation and obesity or famine
Answered in 2015: Unplanned pregnancies, bankruptcy, robbery, separation and obesity or famine (same as last year)
Answered in 2017: Bankruptcy and family feuds
Answered in 2018: Bankruptcy. Family feuds. Health issues. Homelessness.

2019:

Poor financial decisions. Health issues. Homelessness. Feuding.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
Answered in 2006: it’s new year naman gani and im answering this. Geez
Answered in 2007: it passed already.
Answered in 2008: to stay up!
Answered in 2009: PARTYY. sorry, i know my whole party speech a few answers up but it was an exception
Answered in 2010: I stayed up all night and that was fun.
Answered in 2011: Like tradition, stay up all night drinking and reminiscing on the year that was. Oh this terrible year.
Answered in 2013: Same as every year, church, dinner, family & neighbors, Paolo and friends.
Answered in 2014: I was sick this new year so I was hot but I still tried to get some alcohol in body.
Answered in 2015: Since Catherine is in the States, we’re all going to Tita Tina’s house to greet the new year. I plan to be this years’ source of entertainment.
Answered in 2017: Well spent with family. All our families know now and nobody contested so I’m happy, Paolo is happy, the whole world is happy. We also stayed up til 3 and then passed out.
Answered in 2018: Dinner with the grandparents. Lola split the bill and paid for dessert which was nice of her. Then at around 9 in the evening I drove to South Hills to watch the fireworks with Paolo’s family. Having to split holidays is still something I’m still so foreign to and I don’t know how it will affect our family considering we’re very small family and I’m the eldest AND that my mom AND her sister are moving or have already moved abroad but I’ll just have to really figure it out somehow. Somehow.

2019:

This is our first holidays as a married couple, nobody asked, but I’m saying it in case I haven’t said it  yet. Christmas was so stressful so I’ve decided to not pressure myself again and feel too obligated, so I’m going to spend it with Paolo’s family.

Tonight we are going to Kalinaw to celebrate. Did someone say- wine o clock?

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Answered in 2006: that happens?!
Answered in 2007: it passed already.
Answered in 2008: no
Answered in 2009: i don’t know about you but i did
Answered in 2010: yes. The only person I want to kiss for the rest of my life.
Answered in 2011: Yes, hopefully. If I don’t get him at midnight I’ll get him some time after that. J
Answered in 2013: The only person I want to kiss for the rest of my life.
Answered in 2014: Paolo, for ever and for always.
Answered in 2015: Paolo
Answered in 2017: Paolo. For the rest of my life.
Answered in 2018: Paolo

2019:

Paolo. Kuyawan mo kung lahi, noh? hahaha.

30. One wish for the new year?
Answered in 2006: that i would just have a good year. last year screwed me badd.
Answered in 2007: it passed already.
Answered in 2008: to learn from my past experiences and put them into good works.
Answered in 2009: to just live life the only way i know how and pray that it’ll be good to me.
Answered in 2010: That everything with my lolo will be ok. :[
Answered in 2011: That the world will not end. I still have so much to look forward to.
Answered in 2013: To never have to stay stuck and if by chance I should, to always know how to get out of it.
Answered in 2014: To never lose the fire to want the extraordinary!
Answered in 2015: For life to happen as beautifully as it was intended to
Answered in 2017: For life to happen the way it was meant to happen. And also for things to not cost so much or for us to make more money to be able to afford them!
Answered in 2018: I wish for a lot of things for myself, health and good cheer for the people I love and that they work hard so that all their dreams, aspirations and goals come true. I pray that wishing become active dreaming because reality doesn’t happen if you keep your eyes closed.

2019:

I just wish we all get exactly what we deserve whether that be happiness, a new perspective on life, a lesson to be learned for us to grow or whatever it may be. I have a lot of things I could wish for but that would imply that I deserve it even if I do not so, that’s why this is my wish and I think that’s about right.

2019 in photos & videos:

JANUARY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iasZdbZNsVw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_7TryonKAI&t=705s

January was just wow. WOWOWOWOWOOOOOW.

FEBRUARY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UONZDfntiek&t=76s

Can I just point out that the day I lost my stuff really affected me long term? I didn’t even realize it but I feel like I really lost so much of me- I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t travel, I didn’t have any ID’s and it didn’t make sense to have them renewed since we were getting married and everyone was saying to just wait til after the wedding.

In hindsight, I wish I just went through the hassle of getting all my sh*t anyways instead of feeling so lost for about 8 months to do it but it’s about to be 2020 and all I have so far is my driver’s license. It could be worse, really.

Moral: don’t be stupid and leave your bag in the front seat of an open vehicle.

MARCH

A month before the wedding. I remember it just being so crazy with my mom, internal conflicts of me overthinking if I would change my last name, my mom crying over my wedding invitations- you know, typical wedding festivities.

APRIL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIz23OH0hfs&t=160s

BEST.DAY.OF.OUR.LIVES.

MAY

If you’ve never heard of post nuptial depression, it is a real thing. I honestly never thought I would get it but I did and let me tell you- boy, was it hard. I wasn’t sad because I wasn’t a bride anymore but I was sad because for one, I had to say good bye to my entire family and it was just such a fairy tale to have them all back. Secondly and more so because people had suddenly put me into this mold of what they expected a wife to be.

I was constantly being asked how married life was- like, I got married a week ago, how am I supposed to answer that? I was asked only asked about marriage and kids, no questions of how was I as a person or how my goal getting was.

People made it out as if I had already reached my biggest goal in life but honestly, as great as being married was, it was and is not my greatest accomplishment- finding my forever partner was, getting married to him was just the cherry on top of the ice cream.

Up until this day I get comments of people saying I act like I’m not married and it irks me to the bone. Sometimes made me wish I never got married. I never hated being married, I hated peoples perception of what marriage does to a woman because marriage doesn’t change the way you act, dress or talk. It changes your responsibilities, yes, but that doesn’t mean you can no longer be the person you want to be. You know, I shouldn’t complain because it made me work harder. So in the end, thank you.

JUNE

I spent a lot of this time being quiet and working on my Bayhana episodes very discretely. I started using my menstrual cup and it’s been great since!

JULY

Was confident enough to wear a bikini again and we finally took a vacation which I promised I would vlog about which I still haven’t done. boop.

AUGUST

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ_FUv5u-Rk&t=56s

I didn’t realize until today that we actually launched Bayhana in August and not in September, as I had implanted in my head. August 28. Remember that, Issa.

It’s just been so amazing since then.

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

Ground breaking. If I do say so myself

2019 may have come with a lot of challenges- financial, emotional, spiritual- whatever uals you may think of. I may not have all the physical things I wanted and set out for myself in these blog entries over the year but I have gained so many experiences and memories from this year that when I say my heart is so full, I absolutely mean it.

If anything, I thank God and the Universe for giving me a new set of eyes to see the world with and the willpower to want to act on the things that I’ve seen.

I can’t wait to set out on this new chapter and tell you all about our new set of dreams.

Moreover, I look forward to dreaming with eyes wide open with all of you.

all my love,
Issa P. now, G.