a puddle

issa just read her blog again and is feeling worse than anything she’s ever felt before because of two things. One: because she wishes that francis would try to chase her. [as loserific as it may seem] and Two: because she misses her daddy. 🙁

i found this picture on his friendster and it just made me want to cry soo bad.

i miss him and i wish my life wasn’t as complicated. i wish that during christmas there was only one family portrait and not two. i wish there wasn’t more than 2 family reunions and half brothers and half sisters. sometimes i just wish that my life was different that i would cry over superficial things like not getting my own phone line or not being able to go out, things that i could fix. not the things that i’m stuck with for the rest of my life like siblings that i’ll never get to know.

god they look soo happy.

don’t get me wrong, i love my family, i love them to death but it’s just different. sometimes i wish i didn’t have to go through this. sometimes i wish i was born differently or that i didn’t have to grow up pretending to be strong but scared all at the same time. but i did it and this is my life. crying’s not going to make anything better so what am i supposed to do, god?

i’m lost and i haven’t felt so helpless before.

this Chua- Perez thing is driving me crazy. i wish i could just cut my tears away but i’m not going to do that. no, i am no longer a slave to the blade. [rhyming lagi]

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