by Jean Louise Perez
– cige pili lang mu ung kinsa mu ani. libre ra bitaw. hahaha.
This is for the girls who loved too much and got nothing in return. This is for all the tears we cried and all the nights we stayed up trying to figure out what it is we were fighting for. This is for every time we ever let a guy treat us less than we were and get away with it. This is for everything we ever did hoping his happiness would become OUR happiness even though we knew it never really would – and this is for us who stayed anyways hoping one day he’d wake up and decide that he’d love us, that he’d treat us better, that he’d do what he said and actually love us.
This is for the nights we spent crying, wondering what it is we did wrong. I guess there’s really nothing to say or do anymore- I gave you love, love you just didn’t want and what else can I do? I’m never going to love the way I loved you again and I’m never going to let anyone hurt me the way you did. Well in the end, at least I leave this chapter with lessons learned- You were never really worth it. And if you were, I wouldn’t be writing this out to you.
This is for the boys who take what they can and leave us with nothing in return. Were we not enough for you? This is for making us believe in magic even for so shortest time. This is for every time you watched us cry and never did anything about it. This is for you.
I hope you hurt like hell one night soon, while your laying in your bed all alone because your ‘new girl’ wasn’t all you thought she was. I hope your thinking of me, and all that you gave up then you pushed me away. Like I’d never meant anything to you at all. I hope you realize your mistake. I’ve given you all that I’m ever gonna let you take. If you want anything more from me, you can just forget about it.
This is for the girls who forgot how lucky they really were until he was gone. This is for every time we put him on the bottom of our list because we knew he would still be there when we got back. This is for the time we screamed at him, the time we kicked him, punched him and that time we told him we wished he would just drop dead- we really didn’t mean it. This is for that time we threw away the roses he gave us on valentines day because we didn’t think they were good enough- i wish i could just take it all back and hug you and thank you because i never got to. in fact, i never got to thank you for anything.
This is for the boys who waited around for us. This is for the boys who put up with all our shit- the whinning, the crying, the dramafests. This is for that time you stayed up until 3 am to make our anniversary gift and for that time you saw me throw it to the side of my room right after getting it. This is for the times that we never got to tell you how much you meant to us and for the times we never even told you how much we love you. If I could take it all back, I would. But all we have now are memories and yet neither they could ever bring you back. And how do you let go of the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
Because no one will be as perfect you are- and I just lost my shot.
I remember you telling me to move on and get on with my life. You said that there were lots of fish in the ocean. But i’ve dipped my feet into it, I’ve dived and even drowned myself in it but I’ve still found nothing in it for me. It will always be you.
I’m sitting here and I realize that most of us want to belong to someone. 🙁
and me, i’m still in the same position i’ve been in not because of him anymore. it’s not him who’s holding me back from moving on. it’s the absence of that one guy who can make me laugh and cry and shout that’s the problem.
– CIGE HILAK NAMO. BOWWW.