Becoming Blue (It Was Always More Than Just Hair)
When I first started bleaching and dying my hair, I didn’t really put much thought into it except for the fact that 1. I was bored and 2. that I was never allowed to. When I finally got a thumbs up to coloring my hair, I admit I went into a full on rebellion and instead of getting a subtle light brown (that I knew would please my grandmother especially), I went crazy and jumped straight into attempting to achieve a grey, almost white hue.
Psychology suggests that when a woman goes out of her way to make a significant change in their physical appearance, especially hair, it is a desperate attempt to take control of something or anything in their lives.
I like to joke and tell people that I lost all sanity the moment I bleached my hair but it really is a lot more fact than it is fiction. Having feeling extremely lost and confused with the direction I was going in my life, I found that the simple yet extremely challenging decision of changing my hair color was in fact very liberating and it allowed me to take control of my life. So in retrospect, I had to lose myself completely in order to be found and it was in simple things like changing my hair color where I had chosen to begin this journey. In a way, I felt like if I could change the color of my hair then I could definitely change the things I wanted to in my life and unknowingly, I started to do just that.
Hair cuts, extreme hair transformations, break ups and new beginnings all go hand in hand and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t happening to me. I hate to be the cliche but it was the cliche that I needed and with every hue that my hair had become, I felt like I was gaining control of my life slowly but surely. I was gaining my confidence back, I was starting to regain hope and most of all, I had started looking forward for what was in store for me- just a few things I thought I had lost completely.
It was no coincidence that I had chosen to go blue the moment that I did. It was actually something that I had put a lot of thought into, it was something I had prepared myself for and it was something that I used to signify a certain moment in my life. It was me quietly telling the world that I was ready to be blue and not the sad kind but the blue that is responsible, secure with herself, confident and finally, peaceful.
I may not be there quite yet and just because I change my hair again doesn’t mean I’ve stopped trying to be that person but it’s simple gestures like this that ignite my fire. It’s me putting thoughts into actions and telling the universe that this is who I will be and if this doesn’t make sense to you then we can’t be friends. Just kidding. I’m weird in lots of ways and I don’t expect you to get on my level but since this is MY blog, I will go ahead and write what I want.
At the end of the day, it’s just hair and it grows back eventually. And if you can’t even change the color of your hair, then what else can’t you change?
Life is all about change so you either stick to what you’re comfortable with or you roll with the punches. I’m just trying not to knock out while trying to look good doing it. har.
I’m Blue da ba dee da ba daa,