better than ever

so finals are almost over. i have to get ready for kevin’s prom and kim’s party that will all be on the same night
how am i going to do that?! LOL

i’m at iBrowse with keanan and Leigh. they’re playing counter strike and me, i’m bumming around trying to find something interesting to do but so far, nada. 🙁

yesterday i ran into james at the mall with his friends. he hasn’t changed at all. i mean, i want to understand him. i want to confront him but what the point now, you know?

he didn’t even look at me. he just PRETENDED to be busy with his phone or something. he’s so transparent, i can see right through him. because i know him soo much.

but i’m happier now. i think about it, i don’t know why i stayed. sometimes i feel like a failure because being with james was a challenge. it was like a game that i didn’t want to quit because i didn’t wanna end up being the girl who gave up on him. if i was james, i’d hate me for leaving. for not fighting for us. but you know, there’s only soo much you can do for someone who doesn’t know what he wants and for someone as immature as he was.

i think my only problem now is being lonely. i miss being taken care of and taking care of someone in return. i miss having someone to cuddle and make me smile and all those stuff you get in a relationship. i know that james isn’t the only guy who can do all those things for me- that’s why i don’t mope over our relationship as much as i used to anymore. instead, i’m looking forward to having that again someday.

things have changed a lot since me and james’ve broken up. i’ve been dating again. but that was just adrian. i don’t know about that though. i mean, i miss him a lot but he says a lot of things that contradict what he says and i just end up really frustrated. 🙁

and then there’s this guy in the dentistry department who’s been bugging the hell out of me. i want him to go away so bad. i think i might switch numbers. hahaha.

whatever. i’m gonna go play poker or something. smell you later.

i’ll be at coffee bean later, studying. see you.

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