dear daddy, i do NOT want to move to the states with you

i honestly cannot say that i love my real father in any way possible and if i could drop him from my life, i would. I could chose one family and erase the other, i would erase his. all my life he has only brought me pain and misery. I am the person i am today because of him – anti social, always unsure and not easy to trust. sometimes these are my biggest downfalls.

all my life i’ve been trying to escape him. But right now, i just can’t keep doing it. I know i have to face him and somehow make it through this.

how do you make up for 13 years, huh? How do you manage to walk into my life and act like you are the biggest thing that has ever happened to me? you’re not. and even if you have the biggest effect on me, i do not consider you significant in any way. Because you’re going to leave me like you’ve left me so many other times and you are going to make me believe in so many things and once i do, you’re going to hurt me.

And now, you give me an option of actually live with you despite knowing ALL my plans. These are MY dreams and i am NOT going to allow you to manipulate me in order for you to get what you want. I am NOT going to move to Dallas with you nor am i going to help you in any way possible. I am NOT going to ever be a part of your family because YOU ARE NOT MY FAMILY either. no matter what anybody says.

what i feel for you, dad. i feel on my own terms. you must think i’m some little girl who doesn’t think about anything important. but you should know, these are the only things i think about. i’m not dumb. so don’t treat me like i am.

I’m moving to LA to go to school at FIDM after college. I’m going to find the job i actually love and you cannot stop me. You cannot have an opinion and even if you do- it will not be attended to.

so please. leave me alone. it’s enough that i’m actually seeing you when you come. Don’t push your luck. or all the wrong buttons.