the good, the bad and the horrible

i cannot believe what mess i got justin into last night. i’ve never ever gotten someone else into as much trouble as i did with justin and now i feel so so bad. 🙁

i just feel so bad that i even forced him to go to that party. i feel stupid cuz i was hardheaded and and insisted that he’d go to that party and look at how that turned out. awful.

i’m really happy that he went though despite the fist fights and the verbal bashing and arguing that followed after. it was really nice to just be there with him and sit and talk and see how he is around his friends and i was happy that he got to see me around my friends. i love the fact that he went gyud it makes me feel like a million bucks 😀

bout the fighting. idk anymore. idk what to do, idk what to think. i take responsibility over what happened cuz if i didn’t invite him in the first place, it never would’ve happened. i’m just so pissed at datan right now cuz he’s my friend. i help him with nina all the time and he knows everything about justin! he chose to save his best friend and kiss his ass and make me watch him as he punched justin. not cool. what he did was the worst thing ever. it’s gonna be hard going back to what we were after that stint he did.

i feel so bad for justin gyud cuz he didn’t do anything and i saw everything and it was so crazy. i wanted to cry so bad but i just didn’t. i was so scared and i didn’t know what to do to make him feel better cuz he would just push me away. and then we ran into his ex again and for a minute i thanked god it was dark and loud and i didn’t have to deal with the akwardness of it all. i hate ex encounters – hands down.

things eventually got better that night though but i lost my phone in the hype of it all and walked around with no shoes on and went crazy thinking about what to do.

i don’t wanna lose what i have right now and i don’t want it to change. 🙁

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