You Think You Know Me So Well

You think that because I like to drink, I’m wild.
You assume that because I smoke on cigarettes, I’m some punk ass.
You tell me that the reason I’m so tough is because I don’t care.
You think that you know me so well.. but you dont’ know me. It’s impossible for you to know who I am when I can’t even figure that out myself.

— Most of the time I pretend to be so tough and bitchy because I’m tired of crying.
— I don’t like talking about my emotions because I have so many of them and talking about them make me feel weak.
— Sometimes I force myself to be honest with myself to make you happy and when everything comes pouring out, I look at myself in the mirror and think, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
— On most days I know you think that I don’t care but there is not a single second when you are not in my mind. You may not always be on the top of my mind but you are always floating around there somewhere.
— My greatest fear is that I would give up so much for this relationship and end up with nothing. I don’t want you to be my entire world because a part of me is always scared that you are going to leave me.
— I feel like a little girl lost at the mall right now. I don’t know what to do and I feel like if we are drifting apart, I am the one to blame.

It just feels like you don’t give me enough credit. I am trying SO HARD to make you happy but i don’t think that it’s working. You are like a magnifying glass that only sees my flaws. Sure, I’m not perfect and neither are you but why does it feel like you’re God and i’m just this pathetic sinner?

i am manic depressive. And my words aren’t coming out right.

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