Funny thing with life is that you will hate majority of the people you know when they’re alive and only manage to say nice things about them when they die. There is only one word for people like that… hypocrites.
Which is why, in relation to this [well actually it is not in relation to anything], I have come up with a few guidelines for my funeral:
+ Every time someone attempts to tell a story to any of my relatives it can only start with the words, “I remember this one time…” and end with “…and then she ended up vomiting.”
+ During my wake, graduation pictures and/ or 1×1 pictures will be prohibited
+ I want Fire Burning by Sean Kingston as my funeral march
+ I demand to be buried in a bikini or anything that will flaunt my body
+ Also, if I have never gotten a full frontal wax prior to my death, I would like to be given one before being embalmed.
+ Only drinks with alcohol may be served to my guests.
+ Usually people who die are placed in coffins lying down. However, I would like to be placed sitting down, legs spread while open with one hand covering my mouth and the other one covering my “flower”. LOL
+ I also want airbrushed make up… for once in my life, at least.
+ And lastly, [believe me this could go on forEVER but I’m getting tired] I do not wish to be buried and have a bunch of icky worms feast on me instead, I would like to cremated and placed in tiny bottles. Once my ashes are placed equally, I want to be disseminated among my loved ones for them to carry with them ALL THE TIME.
Have a happy All Souls’ day, everyone!
P.s. Just in case I die tonight [God forbid]… I am soo totally kidding!