Nation Career Assesment Examination

so today’s the day we’ve been wasting our saturday’s on. we finally had our NCAE’s.
they were really weird, actually.
i mean, what kind of test asks you if you have a battery opertaed cassete player at home? or a microwave or aircon and shi like that. weird gyud. and it’s not weird for me cuz i have all those things but it was kinda weird to imagine how i would feel it i didn’t have most of the things that we’re listed on that questionnaire. i guess i’d feel really sad and unlucky. [seriously, you would too if you didn’t have an iron at home!]

which for the slightest moment made me feel lucky and no doubt, grateful. grateful that i had all those appliances [even a turbo. wow, imagine that!] and that my parents weren’t just fisherpeople or carepenters and laborers and that i go to a private non-sectarian school in the urban area of the city and even because i have a computer, a tv, magazines AND books. geez. sometimes i really forget how blessed i am.

yes, today is “i’verealizedhowtrulyluckyiamday”

anyways, about the NCAE’S idk, it honestly didn’t feel like a big deal to anyone or everyone at my school but the whole test kinda felt like a REALLY big deal to me. i mean, the whole time i was taking the test, i just kept thinking on and on and on again that THIS was the test that could probably tell me what i’m REALLY supposed to be. it was going to reflect what I was good at and i just kept thinking that what if i’m supposed to be that one thing i rreally never want to be or maybe something i never would have imagined myself becoming. worst of all, what if the results of that single test would tell me that i’m not supposed to be what i REALLY want to be.

which made me realize something. maybe having my own boutique is just this far fetched dream of mine. you know, how people dream of going to the moon? maybe my standards of dreaming are just a bit lower than some but what if THAT’S my far fetched dream. maybe i AM supposed to be a nurse. maybe it’s my pride that’s telling me that i’ll hate every bit of it.

but i thought it today, what could be so wrong bout being a nurse? i like talking. i like people. i like being involved and feeling like i have a very important role in someone’s life. maybe this whole nurse thing isn’t as bad as i’ve been thinking. the thing is, i wouldn’t do if i didn’t have to.

one day i want to open a pencil company. people never stop needing pencils. and then maybe i’ll open my own restaurant and a boutique. i’m making necklaces now. that’s my new thing.

i can’t help but be scared about the future. it’s just so far away and i’m scared i won’t be able to live a good one.

i’m esp. scared about going into the future with james not being there. i know THIS sounds a little more far fecthed that anything else but yeah, that does scare me. i’m scared that one day he is not going to be there the same way he is now. cuz i want him to be around forever. and by that time, i want us to be stronger than ever.

highschool is about kissing one boy this night and not knowing who you’re going to kiss the next.

i’m done with that part of highschool. i just want whatever is after that. and i do so im not letting go.

i thought this was supposed to be about the ncaes. shmooo.

fucking hell shit. HAHAHAA

i’m at ultima right now where i actually have to pay to use the computer. lol. but they’re pretty damn fast anyways so i don’t mind. it’s not like i’m paying for it anyways. HAHA.

james’s at bohol right now and i’m here. we’re both having the time of our lives. haha. i’m happy he’s there, too. [not because when the boyfriend’s away, the girlfriend will play. if that’s what you’re thinking] but cuz he deserves a vacation. god, he deserves a vacation from me. haha. i think i’ve been draining his energy. plus he has to deal with college. college. damn, he IS old. 😛

anyways, i’m going to a fashion show tonight. fun fun fun. if he was here, i’d proli ask him to watch with us. awh, i’m still talking about him, aren’t i?

i’m whipped. <3

updates later.

p.s. i lost 20.00 from an air hockey bet with my papa. fuck.

you are everything i could ever wish for <3

i’m back to my old sickness. no, it’s more of an addiction, really. a text twist addiction!!! 😀

i swear, it’s crazy! lol. i’ve been craving to play it all day and yeah. i’m about to play it right now. just have to download a plug-in or something. [btw, i’m not at home.]

today’s a saturday and it’s been a pretty awesome one, too!

first i went to school in the morning where we were supposed to have to our pre NCAE’s [sort of like leakage, really] but yeah, i didn’t bother answering it properly. it’s not like i care for stuff like that. i just want someone to say that i’m not supposed to be a nurse and that i should take up an awesome course like fashion designing, law, writting or something. hahaha. just so i know that i’m not supposed to be dressed in white see through uniforms for the rest of my life and i’ll be ok. lol.

school was ayt. it just got really fcuked up in the end. me and james fought again and like, idk, we just weren’t ok and that made me cry soo hard in front of the guys and yumi at school. that sucked ass cuz they HAD to see me cry. fuck.

but after a while james cooled down and picked me up at ayala and we went to his aunt’s house. HAHA. we both got really scared, too cuz his parent’s didn’t know that i was there and i’d proli be dead if they did but his aunt knew and for some strange reason, james’s parents ended up going to their house to eat and we kinda got stranded their and i had to hide in this room where all their fans were or something. i really don’t know what that room was for. rich people. i never get their world. lmao.

well, when i got there, i thought we’d be screaming at each other. [hell, i even thought he’d call it quits] but we hugged it off and we were ayt. i wouldn’t bother initiating an argument with him though. not when i only see him during the weekends and time is soo precious. i never wanna waste the time i spend with him arguing over something that i’m not even going to remember about a few minutes after, you know? he means more to me than little fights.

then we both went to church then sunny hills then he dropped me off at sto.nino and then i went to btc with ken, yumi and tharra and then watched chab and jet’s show at stc.

after that ken dropped me off and waterfront where i met up with grany and annie. me and granny went to crossroads and i got to hang out with james and his and my friends. i ALMOST got to go inside vudu. idk, next time. lmao.

i’m so cool, i party with my grandmother. HAHAHAHA.

then we got ien and mariz and  i went home.

ken’s my new singing partner. haha. the best number 3. i’m 1st then james then him then chab. he’s only 3 today though.

james looked fiiiiiiiiiiiiine in his polo whatever you call it. i always appreciate a guy in clothes like that gyud. makes him look so clean and formal and gaaah. hot. i swear, i’ve got the hots for that boy and this is the only time i’ll admit it. cuz most of the time i’m always calling him a loser and not appreciating him but omg, i swear, he’s like the coolest, hottest guy that i would ever spend my time with :]

i’d blog more but we’re both sleepy. so scoot!

we are broken

school sure is depressing. but we’ve finally got some drama in that tiny mad house. finally. but then again, who ever liked the drama. lol.

i’m pretty sure the whole drama llama scene fits the big public/ private schools who’re flooded with kids whom we hardly know either by face or name but it sure as hell isn’t as glamorous as you think when you’re stuck in a 3 story square shaped school of 40 kids max in one batch of 2 sections where EVERYONE knows your first and last names and sometimes even your middle initial. i swear, drama does not belong there. it should be ANYWHERE but THERE.

so where do i start?

do i start from the news that samantha has dengue?

or do i tell you guys about the argument i got into with my homeroom teacher?

or how joanne and dj can’t be together because of our homeroom teacher?

or about the NCAE’s that’re coming up SOON?

or what else? there’s tons going on. and to think, we only had 2 1/2 school days this week. pffft.

so, most interesting first? ok. i pick.

yeah, i got into an “argument” with my homeroom teacher this afternoon because idk, i guess my inability to just shut up kicked in again. see, brazil found out that we said some pretty ugly stuff about her during our class survey that our guidance teacher held and i guess she felt bad cuz she just stopped talking to us and starting blabbing about not knowing what is real anymore or if we were even real people or whatever.

so yeah, she FINALLY [after 2 days or her bullshit] decided to open up and tell us what the hell was up with her. and when she did, i was one of the people who she obviously wanted to speak out, so i just went out and told her all the shit i knew no one in my class would ever dare say to her which resulted into this fight or whatever you wanna call it and she eventually walked out in tears [and i was tearry eyed too] and that was that.

everyone just seemed like nothing happened after that. we even made fun of it afterwards on the bus. lol. we are saddists like that. [insert evil laugh here]

i didn’t seek for glorification, i know who i am and i need no student to judge me. i didn’t really hate anyone but i surely felt betrayed that among my classes, it’s my very own class who will stab my back. anyways, what’s done is done. it’s an experience i would always look back and learn from. have a good nights sleep/ – brazil

speaking of the devil… i just got that reply from a text message i sent her like HOURS ago…

hi teacher, good evening. i just wanted to say sorry about what happened earlier. especially if i made myself come out as someone disrespectful. i just want you to know that if you feel bad about having to hear all those issues from someone else then we’re sorry but we really didn’t know how to open up to you in the first place. maybe we weren’t eing considerate about the comments we gave but that time, everything just came out and i guess nagsalig mi na t. bel promised to keep everything confidential. teacher, we only meant to air out or feelings and if t. bel neverthat survey, we never would have brouighten all those issues up cuz frankly, we think you’re a good teacher but we all have our flaws man gyud. i hope you can forgive me even if i already screwed up our rel. -issa

i’m such a suck up. hahahaha. but whatever. she’s still a bitch. 

moving on..

yeah, about the whole joanne and dj thing. it’s sad actually. but it’s all brazil’s fault which is why i hate her now. she totally snitched on them. she even exagerated and told jo’s rents that the administration sent her a notice about their public display of affection. pffft. since when the hell did our school ever give a rats arse about shit like that? never ever. it is soo sad.

but it’s not my business.

then there’s mary ann, the girl everyone hates. she’s a loser. everyone knows that but thing is, she’s now fully aware of her loser status and has attempted to suck me into her loserific life and make me her allie. yes, my worst nightmare is coming true. the bitch actually sits besides me now and tries to have good conversations with me which includes giving me information about a certain event that happened during family day. i’m riding along for the information part that i MIGHT squeel to the other girls in my class. oh, i’m evil. yes, i am. :>

oh yeah, getting of cards tomorrow. weeeeeeeeeeeeh.

so far, i  know that i’ve gotten

89 – physics

89 – economics [social sciences/ civics]

86 – english [wtf?! mervin is GAY!]

88 – THE

83 – accounting

yeah. my grades’re ay. enough to get me on te honors list if it weren’t for accounting. but you’d think i’d get to go out and enjoy my life tomorrow?! NOOOO. fcuk bitch. no. i have to fucking stay home tomorrow and do god knows what. proli pull my hair out? idk. i’d die right now if i could. argh.

god, i seriously need you soo much right now. 🙁

and once again, me and the rents are anything but alryt. and i know it’s most likely not my fault for being unable to put on a happy show but i swear to god, i am in no position to pretend to be something i’m not. and i’m pissed cuz i am soo near james right now but i’m not with him. i’m breaking inside gyud. it’s the worst. and he’s leaving on sunday for bohol and i’ll be at ultima and fuck, that sucks.

cathy, you’re fired from being my mom. you SUCK ASS!

my heart is sturdy but it needs you to survive

yeah. Don’t get tired of me. it’s just that, that’s really how I feel. I mean,
as much as I want to trust you, you have to play some part in that. No matter
how much I know that you wouldn’t go and do something I’d regret being with you
for, there will always be this little annoying voice in me telling me that you
could be doing that just as I’m thinking it. I guess I need a little
reassurance every now and then, bik.

             I’m a girl. Girls worry. We’re
paranoid. And you’re my wonderful
boyfriend. I’m leaving the “dealing with it” responsibility up to you. So
please don’t think that I’m trying to put you on a leash or that I don’t want
you to live a life of your own because that’s the last thing I would ever want
you to do [no diay. the last is you cheating o n me. HAHA]. As much as possible I want you to feel like you’re living the same
life you were living before you were with me. [except some other stuff, of
course.] And I never want you to feel like being with me is holding you back
from doing what you want or from having fun or from whatever. But then when I
ask you these things [things like, not to go out that much or whatever], it just feels like I am. And I’m soo completely lost. And here’s the part when I
need you to tell me what to do.

simply because i entirely suck at being a girlfriend and sometimes i can’t help but think that bik deserves better. maybe someone who’s not as uptight or as moody as i am?
or maybe someone who has better fashion sense and is bold and more than willing to wear a racerback? haha.
or even someone who’s willing to show off her pitts to him. HAHA.
ok, there are really a lot of things i’m not. but then again there are a lot of things i am. and even if sometimes i’m soo mad at him that it actually reaches a shallow state of hate, i undoubtingly love him more than i’ve ever loved anyone. [and i mean this. i swear. no one can mean it more than i do, the queen of screw ups]

and i guess i’ve been setting too high standards for myself because i wanna be perfect for him. i mean, i honestly want to be good at what i’m doing but sometimes it feels like i eternally suck [with the non stop mood swings and all] and i really wish i knew what i was supposed to do or what most girls would do.

but i’m trying. i swear. ijust need a little help, that’s all.

i love you

the thing she did for “LOVE” jk

babe, i love you!! i don’t deserve this!!! waaah i just wanna post it kosz i like it?!?! ok!!! and i hve  reply to it!! her goes:

really hated the way i ended this because 1.] I can’t imagine you saying it. It
sounds tacky, period for anyone. But then, I really don’t know how else to end
it and nag lutaw lutaw na intawn akong utok from all this Filipino.
L haha.


            Anyways, I actually kinda wanted you
to pick this speech up ganina cuz I knew you were out and I just thought you’d
be able to and then maybe just maybe I would’ve gotten to see you on a weekday
cuz I hardly get to since we decided not to just so we wouldn’t get caught. But
then you said you didn’t cuz you didn’t have a car so yeah, I guess I kinda
felt bad cuz you were out but you wouldn’t just drop by to see me or something
cuz yeah, but you had a good believable reason anyways but it still kinda
sucked for me You know, cuz you were out the whole day and I was at school,
hardly paying attention so I could make this cuz I promised you and idk, for a
second, it just really felt super unfair and I was just so annoyed with the
whole thing that I tripped out. [but then again, drama queen/ brat baya ko. So
I was just probably being inconsiderate again. Sometimes I forget. lol].


            So yeah, I was half kidding when I
told you that I wanted you to type this. [half pissed, too.] But I typed it
anyways just so I could get my mind off a lot of things. Idk, I can’t seem to
control my temper lately and I just get pissed easily. Sorry.


            But yeah. Don’t get tired of me.
it’s just that, that’s really how I feel. I mean, as much as I want to trust
you, you have to play some part in that. No matter how much I know that you
wouldn’t go and do something I’d regret being with you for, there will always
be this little annoying voice in me telling me that you could be doing that
just as I’m thinking it. I guess I need a little reassurance every now and
then, bik.


            I’m a girl. Girls worry. We’re
paranoid. And you’re my wonderful
boyfriend. I’m leaving the “Dealing with it” responsibility up to you. So
please don’t think that I’m trying to put you on a leash or that I don’t want
you to live a life of your own because that’s the last thing I would ever want
you to do. As much as possible I want you to feel like you’re living the same
life you were living before you were with me. [except some other stuff, of
course.] And I never want you to feel like being with me is holding you back
from doing what you want or from having fun or from whatever. But then when I
ask you these things, it feels like I am. And I’m lost. Here’s the part when I
need you to tell me what to do.


Xoxo- issa

uhm uhm uhm uhm uhm! I enjoyed the english part!!! i like it and bout the filipino part i think it’s goood!! it’s not that i cnt understnd filipino that much but yeah most probably yeah i kinda dnt understnd then most of all the content and idea of the english part iis PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you so much baby!!! you once said before you cant do surprises for me but yeh this is one hell of a surprise!!im so hppy that you made something tht would come out as a surprise for me!! i lve you nd i dnt want u to go!

and oh yes in case you guys are wondering!? she made my speech! ahaha

one hell of a weekend

bik, you have soo much catching up to do. lol

i’ve had a really long weekend. [friday – tuesday] monday was a holiday and i didn’t go to school today cuz i was only supposed to have half day classes and i figured that there really wasn’t any point in going since my school sucks ass. lol.

hmm.. ok, friday. friday was chabels birthday and i was supposed to go to RYPIT for the les miserables orientation but then jet called and cancalled it so i ended up going to ayala with josh and rae to go buy the rings and cuffs that we were going to use for our marriage booth on sunday.

wasn’t with bik 🙁

    i decided to NOT skip my saturday reviews and i actually woke up on time to go to school but for some reason i remember being pissed and spending 50 fucking pesos on a cab ride. fcuking mood swings. lmao. and when i got there we hardly had class cuz our teachers were too busy with buying shit for our tents to even attend our classes so instead of having reviews we did this…

played around with the gun from the police set i bought.

turned lesbian

before mothers strangle their daughters…
these are 100% fake!

after reviews:
we went to malou’s [bbq place] and then switched to jollibee where chabel caught up then we went to family park to set up the tents and decorate em [mmch tradition] and i got a pedi and mani and waited for james to pick me up so we could go to chab’s party together. but we ended up stopping by carlow’s place.

i’m graduating. omg. this is sad. 🙁 i’m too small to graduate!

jollibee is cool
and so is my face! lol


i am so going to miss this 🙁

saturday night up until sunday morning [7 am]
    was at chab’s. there was a little drama between her and ken but it’s fixed now. well, of course it is, ken got her an 80 gig iPod video, how couldn’t it?! hahah. lucky bitch.

    it was fun. kate’s back from manila and we just hung out, drank [didn’t get drunk. boo whore], watched she’s the man, and other shit. haha. happy biirthday, chabel! we love you :*

me, arden and kate

the worst part about this picture is that chabel isn’t even drunk
nor is she the least bit tipsy.
she was just there because she wanted to. HAHAH.
but we love you, chabel!

i was trying to snipe her boobs

sunday morning [7:30-6 pm]
    family day at the family park. haha. a lot of fun. i taught james how to play bingo. :]

    pictures nalang para dali.

me and kirsten.
choir buddy.
alto 2’s rock. [haha. i did not just say that.]

the almighty money maker!

someone killed all the super worms! 🙁

hahaha. i like this picture.

    i spent the whole day looking for people to come over, crying and fighting with james.always hated mondays. but we’re good now.

    went to the mall with mom. was supposed to open a bank account but we needed an id and some other shit so we coudn’t. since james and charles were there, we hung out nalang. lol. that was fun. i couldn’t do anything i’d usually do with james though cuz we were too scared with my mom around. thta kinda sucked but at least i was with him. :]

no fighting this week, ok?
we’re turning 4 on the 27th 🙂

the ultimate drama queen

i cannot carry the weight of a heavy world

i need a little assurance.
i need a hug.
i need candy.
i need to stop crying and feeling like i’ve been betrayed because i haven’t.
i need you to see me crying right now.
i need you to at least PRETEND that you care

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
’cause I’ve been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you oh no please
Don’t run and hide
If I love you too oh please
Don’t hurt my pride like her
’cause I couldn’t stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

i need to find a way to at least feel a little better right now
i need someone right now – anyone.
i need to understand this right now.
i need something soo bad right now but you’re the only one who can figure out what that is. so give it to me.


i’ll leave that up to you …

i’m just too green to be blue right now.

you have to remember that i’m not always there, i hardly am.
and it’s not in me to watch out for your every move,
listen to your every conversations or to keep track of every single breath you take.

and i’m never going to do that.
cuz that’s just not how it is.
and even as a first timer, i know that that’s not how it goes either.

this is a big bad world and yes, i’m affected.
it’s bad enough i hardly see you already.
and all i want to know is that you’re not going to hurt me.
sorry boy, but sometimes even the smallest and dumbest things hurt me
but that’s just who i am

you can’t expect me to take everything lightly.
you can’t expect me not to care about even the smallest things,
because i will.
god, you know i will.

and it’s not that i don’t trust you
but. argh.

you know well enough what you’re supposed to do.
you know that already.
i know you do.

and it stings right now.

i don’t miss feeling this way.
i don’t. not one bit of it.