I’m turning 20 in a month or so. But i tell people that i’m turning 19 again because turning 20 feels scary for me. I feel like people need to take me seriously now. I feel like it won’t be too long til i need to pay taxes and that scared the living shit out of me.

is there such thing as a pre adult crisis? because i consider myself falling under this. rar. i’m 20 and my wardrobe still sucks and i don’t know what i want for my birthday. probably just a tattoo.

but then again….

Step to the Beat of my Heart

Things have been weird lately. I’m suddenly having these crazy weird random thoughts that make me feel like a complete dumbass after i think them. like this afternoon in class i realized that using soap and water are better than using hand sanitizers. Basically because when you wash your hands the dirt goes away from your body with the water as to when you use a sanitizer, the organisms are still on your hands. Yeah, i told you things’ve been weird.

Also, i’ve been busy with alex trying to make money so we can start our own fashion line. I guess it does get hard sometimes- clash of ideas and everything. Plus, she’s so effortlessly good and it makes me doubt myself because i realize with her and with a lot of people how different i am. Not just in terms of clothes, you know?

Things with Paolo have been so so. but what relationship isn’t like that, right? Sometimes in the middle of really good day i realize why not a lot of people stay last with me like in terms of friendships and everything and i think it’s because i can be really high strung sometimes and i admit most of the time i feel like i don’t need anyone but myself. I don’t know i’m just so weird like that.

Most of my thoughts basically involve me thinking that this city is too small for me and i cannot wait to leave and be on my own and start my life all over again. i wonder when that will ever happen….

Pepper is the only thing that makes me happy in the mornings especially when i get out of the shower because he likes to lick the water off my legs. I told my mom i would marry this dog and she wasn’t even surprised that i said something like that. lol.

i’ll blog some more more often. i actually miss this 🙂

One Thought At A Time

I’ve come to realize once again, that i do not truly know who my TRUE friends are. I’m actually starting to wonder if such a thing actually exists.

Recently, my close friends’ [who was at a point, my best friend but i doubt it anymore] boyfriend threw a party that she “forgot” to invite me to. Well, she ended up not going but everyone else in our group went except for me. I honestly find it hurtful because we see each other everyday and how could she have excluded me. And to add insult to injury, she even told this girl that i HATE about it. I don’t understand how she could have forgotten to tell me when i ride with her going home everyday. EVERYDAY.

i guess it’s just hard to find real friends. Especially when your friends way back from grade school just don’t cut it anymore.

maybe it’s me….