Sometimes I’ll force a smile and think to myself, “this is the most you or anybody else is getting out of me today” and that’s usually it.

I’m honestly tired of all this unhappiness. Happy times, I need you more than you know.

Oh it’s times like this when I’m home on a Friday night smoking my cigarettes with the company of my soul that I miss you.

I miss you like a stone that has tumbled to and fro against the currents and has become stripped, simplified and nothing without you.

I miss knowing that you would always be around for me when I needed you and I miss the company that we shared even if it meant fighting and shouting at the top of my lungs.

I miss how it felt when you would hug me and tell me that I was beautiful- if I wasn’t to the world, at least I knew is was yours.

God how I miss you.

And I don’t know what to do because getting back isn’t an option anymore, it can never be. Not after everything that happened. But how I wish it didn’t get to this. How I wish I wasn’t lonely. How I wish I still had you even if it meant being mad at you.

How I wish things were different.

How I wish and wish but never do anything about it.

How stupid of me.