“I don’t feel any preyshur right now…” NOT.
I truly feel like everyone I know and love is fully invested in my betterment and as much as it is heart warming, it is at the same time, extremely intimidating.
I got a bag a beautiful doctor’s bag and South Sea pearls from my grandmother who is rooting for me to clean up my act and be the best version of myself.
As a bribe to take her out on Thursday and in an effort to improve my wardrobe, my mother and aunt bought me beautiful clothes that are easily the best things I could have in my wardrobe.
My best friend, Alex and her boyfriend Jun, have been so gracious as to supply me with different creams and serums so that I can finally have a night and day time skin care regimen because I have developed premature eye wrinkles and they believe that I among everyone else should have nice skin. Mostly because they know it is time for me to start taking care of myself.
Jonas has been cheering me on and praising me when I feel like absolute crap. He says he’s proud of me when I feel like there’s not much to be proud of and he’s witnessed countless panic attacks which happen quite periodically. This gives me enough reason to believe that I am the most unstable human being in the universe and that I might as well be diagnosed with some form of schizophrenia. I really am mental.
I know that I have always been destined for something bigger, something great and as much as the preyshure should make me excited, I admit for the most part that it is scaring the shit out of me.
What if I never find that one thing that makes me great? What if I’m really not that great, after all? What if I’m just meant to spend the rest of my life thinking I’m gonna get my moment and it never actually happens? I cannot susi the situation and I wish that I could predict the future because that would make my life a lot easier.
I don’t want to disappoint anyone but most of all, I do not want to disappoint myself. But how do I do that when there are a lot of times that it is so hard to even just function?
I cannot wait for tomorrow.