nothing matters

it doesn’t matter to me that i don’t see you or that i don’t hear from you every single second of every single day. It doesn’t bother me that i’m not the first thing on your mind nor am i the last nor am i in between. It doesn’t make me feel less of a person that we are two complete strangers in a relationship. only because none of these things have fully sunken yet. But i know one day i will and i will want better because we always want what we can’t have and we always want what we do not deserve.

but the last thing i want is to be this sort of conveniency to you because i know what you want and i know what you would do to get it. When my phone rings and it’s you i stop to wonder if it’s a good call or a bad call. usually it’s the latter. You are all the same and i do not want to be your toy. I just want to be loved. loved the way i’ve never been loved. I’m tired of being your toy..

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