I used to wonder why we never really got along or how our long night phone conversations were so intense but quickly faded when we stood face to face.

I used to think it was me who couldn’t carry a good relationship because I saw how much you loved everyone else but never me.

I used to look at myself as someone little, stupid and trying too hard because that’s constantly how you made me feel.

And I used to ask myself if we would ever be best friends like not just by name but maybe one day, by heart.

And then we say each other today- you said some things and I listened. You pretended to care and I just sat there mostly just trying to bite my tongue when it hit me.

You don’t hate me, you envy me.

And now I know why.