of lessons learned and the ones you forgot to teach me

january 23, 2005


I’ve been jumping from the tops of buildings


My bones have shattered


My pride is shattered


And in the midst of this self inflicted pain


I can see my beautiful rescue


I’m falling more in love with every single word I withhold


I’m falling more in love with every single word you say


I’m falling head over heals for you


At the top of my lungs I’m singing you a song


“Don’t you leave me alone”


My bones were shattered


My pride lay shattered


Well I’ll trample my pride


Until the whole world dance with me


Again well I’m crying out,


“wash my hands, these bloody hands, oh open my mouth and I’ll sing”


I’ve been dancing on the tops of buildings,

with you.


Here I am again

Talking to myself


Sitting at a red light


Both hands on the wheel


How am I supposed to feel?


So much running through my mind


First you wanna be free


Now you say you need me


Giving mixed signals and signs


It’s so hard to let you in


Thinking you might slam the brakes again



This is more than I can take


You tell me that you love me first


Then throw your heart into reverse


I gotta get away



I can’t keep coming back to you


Every time you’re in the mood


To whisper something sweet in my ear


It’s so hard to move on


Cause every time I think you’re gone


You show up in my rearview mirror



Is this just a detour?


Cause I gotta be sure


That you really mean what you say


It’s so hard to let you in


Thinking you might slam the brakes again


today was emo day is issaville and i have no idea why. i guess i just spent the whole day either writing in my journal, sleeping, eating and gazing into space. [i think i’m into space rangers now. HAHA]
i know i made it soo corny and casual to some people people [heck, most] but waking up on my own, not rushing and having nothing to do on the bus, during lunch or in between class time definitely had it’s effects on me. and i know that i’m the one to blame here but yeah, i still don’t know.
i thought i’d keep myself preoccupied with POKEMON: Frigo Returns but then, i don’t know, i kinda lost the urge to play after i beat Brendon. ok, that sounded soo dorky. INEEDHELP. so anyways, i decided to listen to some music and bang, i just had to listen to all these songs that made me think and yeah. that sucked for me.
i don’t know. i guess today i just realized that i haven’t changed much. I haven’t changed from the time i told myself that i wasn’t going to fall inlove again and i haven’t changed since i told myself that i was just going to have fun. God knows my objectives have changed but i don’t know.. i can’t help but think that i’ve failed myself, stepped on other people and hurt myself and someone else too.
God, i miss him but i know that i can’t do this anymore. i know for sure that i’m letting go because at first, i wanted to see if he’s follow, if he’d hold on and now, i’m letting go because i know that i can’t take the pressure and i can’t take all hype. maybe i’m just not cut out for this and maybe i’m just a tad bit out-dated for this whole boy girl thing. and no, i’m not liberated maybe he’s just not the one i’ve been waiting for.
i mean, i only get one first boyfriend, right? and let’s face it, i already screwed up the first kisses and shit so, i might as well make this good. i do not even know what i’m talking about anymore.
geez, i’m getting deaf in my right ear. i hate this.
so, issa’s been emo today. doesn’t that just suck?
now i remember why i don’t like having flings. but i know why i live for them. i am just a sad little confused person. the gods can mock me, i’ll let them. god, i feel like absolute crap.
but aside from that, i’m kinda excited for what’s in store. francis’s prom is coming up and i just hope that would turn out well. i know this sounds lame but i’ve been practicing on how i eat. believe it or not, i am extremely consious on the way i eat in front of guys because one, i don’t know where the spoon and fork go [lefty, people!] and two, i’m a klutz. yeah, now you know why i won’t eat with just any guy. haha.
i do hope that goes well for everyone. i hope i’m a good date and i hope francis’ll be a good date too. i’m still shy around him, in a “holding back” kind of way. you can shoot me now!

so here are the little scribble on my notebook:

your name’s popped out too many times. It’s time we settled it once and for all.
i want you to take me.

i’m reliving every moment i’ve spent with you. <|3

i’m that girl with messy hair, bad acnes and chipped nails. But that’s who i am
and i’m not changing. so you’ll have to love me despite that.
no.
you’ll have to love me because of that.

hello stranger, are you flying in from the city or did you fly in from the town?
oh, so you’ve come to steal her heart away but babe, you’ll never get her with that frown.

what is up with me and flying??

let the sun set on my summer <33

god, why didn’t you make me gorgeous? Tess mumbled to erself as she slouched back into her seat. It was prom day and she was feeling less than beautiful, a little shaky and really sick. -PROMENADES AND FUNERALS <33 [im making a story. HAHA]

all i need is magic

rescue me

you can have me.

don’t you want to make these rumors a reality??

there will always be that one boy who will be one girls reason
why she hates their gender.

tanaw tanaw man ka? IBOG KA? tulion tika run!”
-teacher emelin

the key is:
to never let anyone hurt you. right?

i fall don’t on my knees. <33
GOD, I NEED YOU FO’ REAL

9 Replies to “of lessons learned and the ones you forgot to teach me”

  1. i may sound stupid here, but ill give you some random bullcrap.having nothing to do on breaks is something i guess i know too much of, i guess you just gotta get used to it,eventually. though yeah, it still gets to me too, and i hate it all too much.pokemon ish kool.were all young and stupid here iss, so what if weve blown our first kisses on dares, accidents(intoxicated or otherwise :P), or just plain regret it. First girlfriends and boyfriends are some of the toughest, but it will pass. Try not to look for that one-true-person just yet, find someone you can trust, talk to, share feelings with. Relationships dont have to be forever, but atleast you can say something happened, and that it was worth it. No regrets. You’ll find your guy, he’ll always be there.I swear, the LAST thing you have to care about what guys notice, is how you eat, most guys dont even KNOW where the spo-rks have to go themselves, hell, i dont. Eat how you always eat, how your comfortable eating, if guys care how you eat, then.. well.. right back at them. Guys are more of pigs when it comes to eating, i would know 😉 (oh, what YOU should try to notice is probably how GUYS overdo themselves when trying to “eat fancy”,especially if theyre trying to impress. ;p )Believe me, if YOUR shy, then he is too, probably even more.

  2. i may sound stupid here, but ill give you some random bullcrap.having nothing to do on breaks is something i guess i know too much of, i guess you just gotta get used to it,eventually. though yeah, it still gets to me too, and i hate it all too much.pokemon ish kool.were all young and stupid here iss, so what if weve blown our first kisses on dares, accidents(intoxicated or otherwise :P), or just plain regret it. First girlfriends and boyfriends are some of the toughest, but it will pass. Try not to look for that one-true-person just yet, find someone you can trust, talk to, share feelings with. Relationships dont have to be forever, but atleast you can say something happened, and that it was worth it. No regrets. You’ll find your guy, he’ll always be there.I swear, the LAST thing you have to care about what guys notice, is how you eat, most guys dont even KNOW where the spo-rks have to go themselves, hell, i dont. Eat how you always eat, how your comfortable eating, if guys care how you eat, then.. well.. right back at them. Guys are more of pigs when it comes to eating, i would know 😉 (oh, what YOU should try to notice is probably how GUYS overdo themselves when trying to “eat fancy”,especially if theyre trying to impress. ;p )Believe me, if YOUR shy, then he is too, probably even more.

  3. i may sound stupid here, but ill give you some random bullcrap.having nothing to do on breaks is something i guess i know too much of, i guess you just gotta get used to it,eventually. though yeah, it still gets to me too, and i hate it all too much.pokemon ish kool.were all young and stupid here iss, so what if weve blown our first kisses on dares, accidents(intoxicated or otherwise :P), or just plain regret it. First girlfriends and boyfriends are some of the toughest, but it will pass. Try not to look for that one-true-person just yet, find someone you can trust, talk to, share feelings with. Relationships dont have to be forever, but atleast you can say something happened, and that it was worth it. No regrets. You’ll find your guy, he’ll always be there.I swear, the LAST thing you have to care about what guys notice, is how you eat, most guys dont even KNOW where the spo-rks have to go themselves, hell, i dont. Eat how you always eat, how your comfortable eating, if guys care how you eat, then.. well.. right back at them. Guys are more of pigs when it comes to eating, i would know 😉 (oh, what YOU should try to notice is probably how GUYS overdo themselves when trying to “eat fancy”,especially if theyre trying to impress. ;p )Believe me, if YOUR shy, then he is too, probably even more.

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