virtual reality

so, today is the last monday of the school day and my parents and sibs are out of town. god, tell me why i’m not out taking advantage of the situation? oh yeah, cuz i lost 500 pesos and lied and told my mom i had it so i wouldn’t get in trouble. hey, can you blame me? i didn’t wanna get grounded again. i mean, hey, i’ll live and i bet the person who found my money is happy while i’m broke.. whatever. i know it was my fault. i’m over it. lol.

anyways, school today was busy. i had to do SSC stuff the whole day while i had to practice for our dance for the concert. so far, things’re going pretty well, i just hope people show up on that day. i really do. we’ve been planning and working our asses off soo hard and it would really suck if no one went, you know? and like yeah, god, you know what i’m praying for. and no, kev. it’s not a boy. lol. ok, about that, i guess i’m happy being single. i mean, i see my friends with problems and shit cuza guys and i have to say, i’m done with those issues. kc can go fuck herself, that bitch! haha.

Anyways, i guess the only time i got to hang out and just laugh was at lunch time where i was also on SSC duties. god, this job just doesn’t end. lol. me and aldwin were having a pinching war. now i’m bruised all over. and it hurts. it hurts a lot. lol. the thing i like about that kid is that we can pretend to be together but i’m not shy or scared around him. i can act like a complete guy around him and honestly? i don’t really care. lol. i guess if i wanted to be with a guy, it would definitely have to be someone i’m not afraid to be myself with. someone i wouldn’t have to try to impress or fix myself too much with. make-up and i are soo not tight. lol. ok, i’m not saying i like the kid. i’m just saying that he’s cool and fun to hang around with. no boys, issa. remember that. resist. resist. lol.

since the rents aren’t here, granny goose had to pick me up. me and nina were texting then and she told me to go to svda to hang with her so i lied to granny and told her to drop me there cuz i asked mommy and she bought it. lol. so, i just hung out with nina and talked about stuff that we haven’t had the chance to talk about. i think i bore her. hell, i think i bore everyone. lol. i must be really dull. wow, issa.

which leads to my virtual reality check, i know that i need to be nicer around people. people that i don’t know and people who want to know me and shit like that. i realized that the people you don’t like because of the way they look or the way you see them act aren’t really that bad. i bet they’re really cool. i mean, i don’t know i guess it’s just me but i have a very bad tendency of shutting people out. there are a lot of people from STC who i never talked to when i was there. i guess i never talked to them because i thought they were weird or maybe i thought that i was better than them or something but i know how wrong i am and i know i need to change quick. i’m a bad person but i don’t mean to be. i don’t know. i just have bad judgement, i guess.

ok, there’s this guy from where i live, kevin, i bet he’s nice but youknow, i hate how he pretends like he’s all caring and stuff. i guess i hate it so much because, i’m not stupid for one and i know where THAT goes. it’s a pattern, a pattern i fall for everytime. first the guy acts all nice and caring and next thing you know, you’re into him and 2-3 months later, i find myself tired of it all and i end up ending it. worse, he gets tired and ends it first. i know why i shut people like kevin out. so, can you blame me? lol.

i’m not trying to prove anything. point is, i don’t have time for it and frankly, i’m not interested. but going back, i know that i shouldn’t be too judgemental. at first i didn’t really wanna talk to kevin h. cuz i thought they were weird and hell they are but i still love those guys. they’ve got my back and i’m lucky 🙂

i’m ranting. word vomit. someone clean it up.

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