you are such a man to me

i love it when i see boys cry. in my eyes, they instantly turn from stupid boys who crave for nothing but porn and slutty looking girls to real men with real dreams who know what they want. Not just that, but they become living examples that no one can have everything in life and that yes, somethings just can’t last forever. or simply, they  make me remember that animals like them have feelings to. lmao.

tonight, i saw a crazy boy who i love terribly transform from my stupido playmate-o to a man. in front of my very eyes, i saw right through him and how desperately he wanted to be loved the way he shows love to that one special girl he would run to the end of the world and back again for. i could think of a thousand lines to make him feel better like, “it’s ok, i love you.” and etc. etc. but i know that that wouldn’t be as convincing as to how valid it is. i know that those aren’t the words he wants to hear and it makes me pity him soo much because he deserves better. not from someone else but from that very person he’s expecting.

“she just doesn’t know how lucky she is to have you…”

i want someone like him, no doubt about that. god, give me someone like that. i want to be lucky to have him and i want him to be lucky to have me because i am worthless. yes, that’s what i am.

i don’t look at myself and think that i’m the kind of girl that deserves a sweet guy. the kind that’ll come over to bring me choc’s or a dvd i’ve been craving. i’ve become the one that no one wants to take seriously. i have become the joke

about the dry sex thing which, btw i would NEVER do until i’m mrs. someday… in more pleasant words, i look at myself and i can imagine being taken complete advantage of and i don’t know how that happened. i blame the media.

no, seriously. maybe i’m in it for the fun. but common, dogs are fun.

i’ve drifted off in my own thoughts.. let’s go back.

argh,i can’t think anymore. oh yeah, so listening to him talk like that, hearing his thoughts out loud made me want to cry so bad because, there he was, being emotional, being a man and she didn’t even know it. </3

if all guys were like him and if girls didn’t play around either. i swear, i wouldn’t be writing this. lol.

hahai. i wanna break down. PMS again. watery eyes and a sober heart that speaks the truth. this is humiliating.

hot is superficial to me now. i just want to be loved. loved the way he loves her.

if one day i don’t talk to him or treat him like he’s invisible, i want him to think that i’ve ruined him. and when i find out that that’s how he feels, i’ll say…”i didn’t say anything to you but you were on my mind the whole time.” <3

boys, boys, who are you and where do you come from? </3

i’m DUNZO. i quit. </3

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