Today was an interesting day for me, to say the least. I finally met Paolo’s high school friends for the very first time in our 10 months together.
We’ve always planned on meeting them way back but something always came up and we ended up not going. I always felt bad about it and would encourage Paolo to hang out with them even if I couldn’t go but I guess he never really gave much thought about it because that never happened. But I have met most of them all individually on some occasions when we’re at the mall or on a night out and happen to run into each other. :]
Naturally being the freak that I am, I had always anticipated and feared this day for a very long time. I guess it’s because I have very poor social skills unless of course being fairly intoxicated. lol. But seriously, in high school it took me at least about two (2) years to make friends and these friends, I hardly even talk to anymore. I do keep in touch with some of them like Jet and Joshua but I’ve known Jet since I was in RYPIT and Joshua since freshman year so we had history which made it easier to identify them. In College I was known as the “anti-social” of the class because while Nina was Miss Congeniality of the class, fun and easy to talk to, I was distant and chose not to talk to anybody unless absolutely necessary.
I guess I’m just very protective like that. I don’t like being around a large group of people and being vulnerable to judgement. I like knowing who I’m around first so I know what I’m up against. The general thought is I am weird. I like my assurance and I like knowing everything that is going on before I let anyone/ everyone know what’s going on with me.
Given all these things, today I was terrified. I just kept thinking that I wouldn’t be good enough for Paolo’s friends and that if I screw it up with them Paolo wouldn’t be proud to have me as his girlfriend. I over analyzed everything including how to draw my eyebrows! I even combed my hair! I also considered bringing my laptop just so I could remember their names because as we all know, I am very poor in remembering.
I was truly surprised though because once I met them, I didn’t feel like I had to impress anyone. They were really nice and warm and they made me feel like I belonged- something I haven’t felt in a while. Paolo’s “sis” even gave me a headband that I refuse to remove until now. HAHA. Which taught me a lot today, I need to stop being so guarding all the time. I try to hard sometimes to pull away or be distant from people that it may have affected the relationships I have now. I need to stop being so manipulative and meticulous and consider letting things happen in their own ways.
I was sweetly surprised today. Thanks, guys! :]