maybe it’s the heat

everyone in my family is driving me nuts! my mom has been being a complete bitch to me, my papa well, whatever. it’s basically just my mom. she’s been an absolute pain in the ass. she’s been coming in and out of the room to check what i’m doing on the pc, interupting me during my phone calls to comment and shit. omg i hate her soo fucking much i could lax her! like this morning, i was talking to alexa and i said, omg ka bastos ana nila oie. that’s so harsh. and then she butts in and says,” HOI GI AWAY KA?!” i mean, ka klaro anang wala. fuck her, man. and she been bugging the hell out of me, i am soo sick of  her.

she won’t let me go out cuz she always brings last saturday up. “hoi, don’t forget what happened last saturday na hapit tika gi opoawan!” jesus christ, lady. so are we just going to keep bringing saturday night up? god. SOMEONE KILL HER FOR ME!!!

now i’m getting the impression that i’m going to hate this summer all because of her. i mean, omg, she is such a bitch. it’s getting really hard to pretend that i’m not annoyed. i am literally digging my nails into my skin as i am typing this because OMG, SHE IS ONE HELL OF A MOM.

ejwehgbfyjhgdafbrjhfbijrdsfbhsd hvklerjhg liuuifiuoeioeuweiwuif.

and then there’s ren. sorry but i’m really not interested. i mean, if i was i would reply sensibly. ambot kev oie. he’s really the kind of guy na ambot.. you can just sense the desperation in him which is exactly why i don’t reply to him and if i do. sos. ambot nalang jud.

and besides, if that boy’s just looking for a summer fling then i’d rather not wasting my time because that’s not what i want. I’VE SAID IT TOO MANY FUCKING TIMES SO GOD WHY WON’T YOU GIVE IT TO ME?!

i’m dying.

of mistakes made and lessons learned

paseo update

it’s just like in the movies. a teenager wants to explore
the big bad world at the wrong time, she screws up and her parents come to
rescue her and save the day. but no wrong decisions go unpunished and she ends
up grounded and with a lesson that she’ll remember for the rest of her life.

I feel like I’ve seen an episode of this on unfabulous.
You know that episode where addie’s wearing the underpants that says Tuesday on
em? Lol. Well, at least I know what I’m talking about. lol

i’m not in a hurry to grow up anymore. i know i’ll have my time and i know that
3 am is waaaaay past curfew. i’m not doing THAT again for a very long time.

saturday is definitely going to be one of those things i’ll remember for a very
long time not because i finally got to go to paseo but because it taught me
something i’m very fortunate to know right now.

so apparently, paseo is the new vudu or something. not quite, though i wouldn’t
know cuz i haven’t been to vudu yet. lol. i bet i’d loose my shoes AND my morals
there [laguna beach, anyone?] haha. Anyways, so me and the girls decided we’d
go and hang out, have fun, celebrate summer, blah blah blah. i thought it’d be
great. i had a very rude awakening.

i went there for a lot of reasons. i know i went there cuz i needed to
socialize [follow up on the i need to be less judgemental blog] and because i
felt that i NEEDED a night out and well, i know i wanted to go cuz everyone
else was going. i mean, duh. haha. i hung out at this table with a bunch a usc
high school boys. god, i know why i don’t have friends from there. those guys
are too self consumed and don’t know how to be nice. either that or.. it was me
and my bitch face again. but hey, they all looked like sick mother fucking
drunkards anyways. i don’t need them.

i did have fun though. it was reggae night and everyone who was there looked
like they were high or stereotyped. lol. i know i used that in the wrong sense.
ok let’s try identically challenged. hiphoppers were singing to bob marley
songs and emo boys were jumping up and down in rhymitical patterns. up DOWN up
DOWN up DOWN. jesus christ. i had fun mocking them to be honest and i had fun
mimicking them and dancing with my friends of course. lol.

Anyways, as the night went along, things went horribly wrong and freaky.

i ran into Francis.
My mom’s friend was there
i got stepped on.
This random guy grabbed me and tried to talk to me.
Someone thought i was Chinese. Well, i am. but like, Chinese in a sense na i
don’t speak English kind of Chinese. his exact words, “KUNICHIHUA, GUA AI
an Iranian looking guy came up to me and tried to be slick
i ran out of load
nikki had my wallet
my ride went home with her boyfriend
and i was screwed

that night was soo overwhelming gyud. Like, i know that i was in a situation
where i was completely helpless and i really didn’t know what to do.

i realized that there are such things as fair weathered friends and that i
can’t always count on my “friends” to help me when i need them the
most. I’m not keeping them. lol.

i learned that i always have to have a back up plan and that family should
always be an option.

i also learned the importance of carrying a bag around so i won’t end up
leaving my things with someone else. in my case, a wallet. GEEZ!

And i also learned that i shouldn’t be in a hurry to grow up. i know that I’m
going to have my time to go party and i won’t be too old to do that and i am, i
shouldn’t really care, right? i mean, 22 isn’t old.. right? /:| haha. i don’t
know. i just know that i shouldn’t care too much about stupid stuff. i tend to
not care bout real stuff but i care too much about superficial stuff. geez. How
did my mom raise me? btw. i still hate her.

So now. Because of my actions, i am no longer allowed to party at night. and i
have to work for all my summer activities. screeew!!!

but ok, this is my “stragol”. God, i love that word.

And I’m also grounded for my shout out sa friendster.

your own man”


Good-bye and good

i didn’t
leave so you could chase me.
i left because you never gave me a good reason
to just
stay put.

holy mother

i’ll update about paseo in a bit. nothing pretty or anything though.

but yea. due to the events which occured at paseo that evening, i am officially going through one hell of a ride. i am required to wake up not later than 9 and be in the office [in office clothes] by 10 or something like that. and do i have to do? nothing. beri good. i just answer phones and cut out ads.

this is marvelous.

btw, i’m getting korean bangs.

me and andrea are the comeback kids. we you know you love us.

i don’t have any idea on what my title for this blog should be which is weird because i’m usually always excited to put titles on my blogs. today must be different.

for some reason, i have the strongest feeling that i should start blogging about more important things. not just about what i did the whole day cuz no one really cares about that.


long pause.

oh, screw that. i’m selfish :))

when you’re THIS bored death sounds better

today was soo the drama and not the laguna beach kinda drama. it was i’m a teenage-drama-queen-god-give-me-a-social-life kinda way. yes, i was a drama queen today. buggin everyone bout how bored to death i was and crying to my mom and everything. god, i feel so embarassed right now. i even bitched at chab for a while but i had my reasons.

moving on..

yeah, i got really bored today. and like, acted up and everything which did get me out of the house unfortunately not to the best place in the world, carbon. she took me there to buy groceries. omg. and she made me take down notes for crying out loud. like, basically the prices and shit like that. i mean, it wasn’t THAT bad but not the cherry on top of my whatever but it beat staying at home mopping about how chabel doesn’t have time for her friends anymore cuz all her time’s with ken. but i get that i guess i just think it’s kinda unfair how he gets ALL her time. but i guess that’s how it is when you get a boyfriend. lol. don’t worry, i’ll know how it’s like when i have one. hardy har har.

so here’s my new things to do:
find a job that PAYS
learn how to commute in this hell
and well.. i forgot. i tend to do that alot nowadays.

and today, i finally had the guts to ask my mom if i could go to a club on saturday night. like, a club with drinking and all that shit. hopefully drugs, too. oh, how i’d love to rebel like that. HAHA. jk. my god, the look on her face was priceless cuz i knew she couldn’t say no after that speech i gave her about how my friends alway hang out and how it’s hard for me to cope cuz i go to another school and this is the only time i get to catch up and they don’t even let me and everything. i mean, it’s true anyways. they’re too stuck up on me being a junior and all that shit that they don’t let me do ANYTHING. i’m always too young for anything. geez, i wonder what my mom would say when i ask her if i can go to jamaican nights. that bitch’ll flip fo’ sho’! HAHAHAHAHA. omg, issa.

but yeah, it is true. i was feeling really down today cuz i don’t know. my cabinet is looking very empty. my hair isn’t looking the way i want it to and yeah, i haven’t been out in ages. except for the gym but everyone knows THAT doesn’t count unless you’re with friends. my gym buddy is my mom. fuck that.

oh yeah, did i mention that i have to work for my laags? fuck, i know. it’s this psycological malfunction with my mom. she’s nuts. everyone knows that. lol. i mean, honestly, she’s so righteous about how her dad made her work at a young age and all that shit and she’s trying to raise me the same way, it actually sounds pretty stupid to me, actually. cuz look, my mom’s a smart girl, i bet her dad held her back from alot/ most things in life which triggered her rebel and have me, issa, the love child/ the experiment. and let’s be honest, i wasn’t the best blessing. hell, i know i was her struggle. lol. so why the heck is she trying to raise me the same way her dad did? she must be psycho. kill the beast, yo.

whateve. the point is, i get to go out on saturday and i’m happy. this better work.

i need a bikini
i need a new top

where the hell is my sugar daddy?

drama llama

Tuesday, 20 March, 2007 2:45 AM Subject: Re: .. Message: well, that’s good. and if he decides to end it one day, tell him to say it to her face, ok? cuz that’s the decent thing to do.

FraNxiz wrote:
btaw2..he told me he’s planning to go to her house and confess
everything. but i guess its not that shes pissd off coz he only
comunicates her once a day-IF SHE REPLIES DRY. di man xa on n off..he
keeps in contact with her daw. wat cn u suggest??haha..luoyas buang

well, i decided that i’m not going to pretend to be nice to francis because if he’s trying to get close to me again by talking to me and by throwing away his cousins problems in my face then, i’m sorry. not ever, mister. if he thinks that he can still be uber comfortable with him, i’m going to remind him that he pushed me away and you can’t always get everything back once you let it go. i can’t wait to run into him one day. lol.

i just realized that the song, just so you know makes me gloomy. i mean, it’s an awesome song, it just makes me feel so.. gaaah. lol. but omg, i am loving famous last words by MCR i think it rocks.

it’s 2 am or something on kevin’s watch and i could not care less. i want my laguna beach to hurry and be complete so i can watch it. it’s season 3. for some reason, my season 2 and 1 is fucked and i can’t see shit.

wowowee does make me really happy. love it. i need to go shop or something. i’m bored with life.

Now I know,
That I can’t make you stay.
But where’s, your heart?
But where’s, your heart?
But where’s, your,

And I know.
There’s nothing I can say.
To change, that part.
To change, that part.
To change.

So many,
Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I’m incomplete?
A life that’s so demanding,
I get so weak.
A love that’s so demanding,
I can’t speak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you’ll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

Can you see?
My eyes are shining bright,
‘Cause I’m out here, on the other side,
Of a jet black hotel mirror,
And I’m so weak.
Is it hard understanding?
I’m incomplete.
A love that’s so demanding,
I get weak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you’ll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

[ Lyrics found on ]

These bright lights have always blinded me.
These bright lights have always blinded me.

I say.

I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I’d never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

‘Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I’d never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

‘Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I’d never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

‘Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I’d never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you’ll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you’ll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you’ll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

tell me who’s the shit

i just read the message again. here’s my real reply:

maybe the girl likes him but then again maybe she doesn’t. maybe she’s just nice and had a lot of extra time. just cuz she made his scrap book doesn’t mean she likes the guy. if she texts like she doesn’t care, maybe she’s just like that. maybe she doesn’t like texting or maybe she’s pissed cuz she thinks that your cousin in taking complete advantage of the situation. or maybe something else is up with her. you don’t know what she’s thinking. it could be anything.

just tell your cousin to talk to her. call her, meet her up. you know, tell her everything that she needs to know and not to keep her hanging like that. maybe your cousins like you, franc. he’s there one day and the next he disappears. mayube that’s what disappoints her. if that girl needs and explanation for him then she by all means deserves one.

tell your cousin i wish him luck and all the happiness in the world.

you too, franc. i guess.

First of Summer

by ryan collina

geez, i hope this entry get’s featured on that xanga thinggy. lol.
crosses fingers (X)

it’s already the second day of summer and i’m enjoying every second of it. yesterday i got to spend the whole day with the brother. i helped him studying and then i played power rangers, spiderman and hide and seek with him. it was soo funny. lol.

and i got to watch tv which is something i was never able to do when school started cuz i was always busy.  wowowee makes me happy 🙂

i woke up early today and fixed my closet. well, i’m in the process of it anyways. right now there are 8 stalks of clothes on my floor. going out pants/ shorts, going out tops, tennis shirts, house shorts, house shirts, tops i’d never wear , bottom i’d never wear and mommy’s clothes. yeah, i think i’d OCD like that. haha.

chabel might come over today. might lang. she’s still trying to sneak out. lol. it’s kinda funny though. like before, i used to hate the fact that chabel or any of my friends for that matter would sneak out cuz i knew it was bad but now, i’m just like, what the hell, sneak out fast and get your fat ass over here. lol. i love life. i love summer 🙂

oh btw, i never got to update everyone about the beach. it was fun as hell. i just got bitten by jellyfish. damn things.

From: Franxiz

Subject: ..
Message: me..with my cuz’s prob..haha..theres this
girl that he liked daw and ths girl, made his scrap book project and
that girl slept till 7a.m daw..she girl waves to him sweetly in
person..and one more thing..she’s so friendly in person but if ever my
cuz texts this girl, she replies but sooooo dry..also sa y.m daw..what
does this mean man?? any word from u??hehe..luoy a.u..kaw ra akng ma
approach in terms of this kind of probs..;) hpe u can help me with my
cuz’s prob..

fuck. i hate francis. he sent me this through friendster. pisti.

i hate how he ended things with me and now he just comes back and acts like nothing happened like we can be friends again without even bothering to talk about everything that happened between us. where’s the justice in that? no, i’m not going to let him win because he’s a dumbfuck and i hate dumbfucks. i hate kc, too. i hate that bitch. she’s such a motherfucking bitch. argh.

changes topic

i heard i must be emo today. shit, it’s humorously annoying. lol.

what made my day: my new baby phat shirt. 😀