Why Haven’t You Left Me Yet?

I keep getting these fucking epiphany’s everytime I play stupid tetris battle.

I think I am ocd or a hypochondriac because i keep thinking that something’s wrong with me. Let’s say for instance when i’m playing tetris battle and i hate myself everytime I lose because i don’t understand why I suck so bad and why I can’t stop. I won’t stop until I start wining. And that’s when I start to think that I push myself to hard. But that doesn’t stop me either.

It’s like when I start to think about my other blog and how frustrated I am that I am never contented and how I’m not where I wanna be yet. And then I spend restless hours trying to think of someway to fix it and make it better. And then I work and work like a horse.

I never know when to stop.

I don’t know why I’m so angry all the time….

Which leads me to this question, why hasn’t paolo left me yet?

I think about it constantly. I wouldn’t want to be with me. Why would he?

I Need To Say This Out Loud

i cut my hair today!


And i will officially start combing my hair everyday starting tomorrow.


And I also got a book!


And I went to Cebu Blog Camp 2011. And someone called my pretty.

That made me happy.


And my mom did something for herself- that also made me happy.


And I havent been this tired in a while…


Wow. Someone get me The Perks book. I lost mine… 🙁

The Problem Is…

I have this uncontrollable to be the best at everything. And it’s nights like this days behind on my period, PMS-ing like it’s no one’s business that make me realize that I’m not the best and for a fact, I never will be which ultimately makes me want more and get all anxious.

Sometimes it’s not even about being the best but rather about me not being where I want to be and not knowing what to do about it. I swear, I want too much sometimes. Not in the material realm though but in life.

I’m always feeling lost lately and frustrated and angry and I don’t know why.

I wish I would stop pushing people away and I wish I wasn’t such a bitch to actually cry it out.

Why can’t I cry….

Run Joey, Run

i always get confused when saying that line with Friends and Glee. I miss friends 🙁

the kids are out and so is mother dearest so im all alone at home being lazy but then again productive at the same time.

Today was my second day of training and this time I ran without paolo. Yesterdays run took about 2 hours from my house to Mcdonald’s but today only took less than an hour. Along the way I kept chanting “1 2 3 4 – breathe” and kept trying to pace myself but I was off and ended up running faster than I usually do (with or without training) and messed up my stomach. You know when you feel like you’re appendix just burst? That’s what I meant.

Along the way I saw: a dead cat (it wasn’t roadkill boo) and a small kid smoking

I almost smelled: wet fish and wet pee

But it’s those things which are the sole purpose of why I run amongst traffic and not in a gym where I don’t get to exercise my eyes.

Once I start my bike training I guess I’ll have to go back though… *sigh* I’m scared they’ll kick me out like LAST time. 🙁

Anyways, off to being lazy again. yey me!