Let’s Get One Thing Straight

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

Monster Of PMS

i have officially screwed up my relationship. I haven’t seen Paolo the WHOLE week and what do i do on the one day that we do? i make a fool out of myself and humiliate him in public 🙁

The story is: i was texting all his friends asking him about what to get him for his birthday and he STILL insisted on checking my phone even with those messages there. and he did something that made me think that he knew what my gift was and i instantly freaked out.

But i was mostly annoyed by the fact that he still feels the need to check my phone and facilitate who i’m texting. I’m always been that. I do think i deserve a little more slack than what he’s giving me. But now i realize especially after what happened… that i need to give HIM more slack than i actually do.

Believe me, i was some possessed little girl screwing at the top of my lungs for everyone to see. And he still didn’t leave especially after i repeatedly told him to do so. If it were anyone else… i know it would be completely different.

They were right when they said a relationship cannot stand without trust, ladies and gentlemen

Don’t Phase Me

well. I’ve been on duty for a while. School actually started a week EARLIER than everyone else’s so that we could accommodate the duty schedules and so that it wouldn’t be TOO confusing- or something. My first duty was at this community named Guizo which is actually the end of the sewage system for a bunch of different barangays in the area which means everyone shit basically flows into their river and it ALWAYS smell super foul.

Most of the people there use an Antipolo bathroom system which is basically a hole in the middle of their floor where they do their business. Their junk then falls down to the river and ultimately causes all the funky shit going on there.
Couldn’t find a picture but i’m pretty sure you have the idea floating around in your head.

Next week i’ll be assigned at the OR-DR of mactan doctors hospital which is basically on another island near Cebu and it usually takes around an hour to get there. 🙁 But duty is at 2- 10 which is actually my first experience at the PM shift so i’m pretty stoked about that. New experiences.

I love all my duty mates this semester because it’s a  mix of my old duty mates and they were pretty cool. There’s no one there that i actually hate but then there are a few people i don’t really feel comfortable talking with but whatever :

Me and paolo just celebrated our 4th monthsary and although we do fight occasionally, it’s never anything major anymore. Of course i do get annoyed about the whole trust issue and although I shouldn’t be blaming myself for this, i do take A LOT of credit for him being like this.  Knowing all the things i’ve done in the past… who wouldn’t? People ultimately think i’m some skank hore around here which is kind of how i acted before anyways. But i’m just trying to fix myself. Not for them but because i know i’m better than what they think.

i’m rambling. Bye

If I Am Another Waste If Everything You’ve Dreamed Of…

1) What kind of animal do you most compare yourself to? (Or just your favorite one)

— If i was any animal, I would want to think that I would be something exotic and super special. But I can’t think properly right now so I’ll settle before being something lazy like a sloth. Yeah, I’m a Sloth. 😀

2) What color do you most relate with? I honestly don’t think that I can relate to just particular color when there are soo many out there. Why would I ever limit myself to just ONE thing anyways, right? That’s not like me. Maybe I’ll be a color that isn’t quite what you see. Is there even something like that?

3) What celebrity do you resemble in looks/personality?
I like to pretend that I look like this actress:
[Heart Evangelista]

But people [particularly, my family] say that I look like this actress:

Pokwang. YEY x.x

4)With what character from literature (of any sort) do you most relate?
I think that I’m that guy from The Perks of Being A Wallflower because I feel like I’m part of a crowd that I’m not REALLY a part of. Like I’m involved with all these things that most of the time, I don’t know why I’m even involved in.

5) What music would you listen to if you had only an hour left to live?
John Mayer songs! ALWAYS.

6) Which person (or people) do you consider to have had the greatest impact on your life?
Everyone that has come in and out of my life. I know I drained the most out of everyone that has come and go.

7) Which book or piece of literature (could be a movie, play, etc.) do you think you relate the most to?
I’ll get back to you on that.

8) What is something you would do if time and money were of no issue?
Buy my parents everything EVERYTHING they want and need. I would also like to pay for my parents wedding. They never got that.

9) When’s the last time you told someone you loved them?
A microsecond ago.

10) Next December, what feelings do you think you will have toward where you are in your life?
I don’t want tot hink right now.