Strangers, Again

I don’t like letting people into my life, I guess that’s why I tend to gravitate towards people or things that are familiar to me.But unlike what was comfortable and what was common to me, our friendship was complicated and short lived.


I admit, I hated you at first. You were cocky and outspoken. You were my Phil and I was Lil. We were so common that it threatened me. But we became friends and in a short span of time, my best friend and eventually my brother.


Now we don’t talk and you just pass by me like I never told you my most deepest thoughts and fears. You act like you forgot that you were one of the very few people I could actually run to when I was so scared that everyone would judge me because I knew that everyone would. I know you have become one of those people because I feel the weight of the looks that you give me.


It hurts, you know? Because I never wanted to lose you. I’m not ever going to have those random nights were we just sit and talk about everything and nothing and plan our lives because you know that the future scares me.


If I’m just going to keep losing friends then I’d rather not make any because it hurts when they leave.


I’m so stupid for forgetting that.


So thanks again for reminding me that people always leave. Especially the ones who promised they wouldn’t.



I am slowly learning that you can have a million friends but can only count your real friends on one hand. Sometimes it feels like on just one finger.

As I contemplate everything that is going on right now, I try to reminisce on our friendship and I’m beginning to wonder why we ever became friends in the first place. We started out as enemies a very long time ago- I hated you and you hated me. I think about this now and not much has changed in those years of being “friends” after all..

I’m not going to finish this. You are not even worth my anger right now.

God will give me strength. He always does.