close to breaking

the cutest thing about my bible is that it has this little portion where it features verses from the bible on specific topics.
topics like facing a death of a loved one, facing problems, graduating, blah blah, stuff like that. but among all the little cute sections they’ve set aside for me to browse upon when i need it, i’ve just realized that i’ve almost read all the verses under the “controlling your temper” section.

Lately i’ve been moody. there’re are a lot of times [too many, in fact] when i’ve been capable of being [and this is in order] normal – happy- extra happy- goofy- crazy- quiet- frustrated-pissed- mad- really mad- emo [the worse] and then back to happy and that just starts all over again. or sometimes i just start off from happy and jump to being pissed without warning.and it sucks. it just sucks. i hate being a girl and having to put up with all these emotionally unstable shit. it’s too hard. especially with school. and especially with james. [ i stretched myself cuz i don’t wanna get mad at him :(]

and i don’t wanna be the moody person i am cuz it gets hard to sum up my day. lately i can’t tell if i’ve had a generally good day or an absolutely horrible one because in a regular day, i usually experience both. now tell me, doesn’t that suck?

and now i’m just trying to turn into the girl who doesn’t care. or is the girl who is trying to be the old person she was who didn’t care. but i know that won’t solve anything. i’m too scared it might turn into something i’d regret.

lately i’ve been trying my best not to mind the fact that:
school is soo damn tiring.
i’m getting inducted on saturday and idk who’s going or if i want anyone to go for that matter
periodicals are coming up and i have to find a place to study and that place better not be home.
i hate home.
i haven’t seen my friends in the longest time and i miss them :'(
and a lot more but the lamest of all lames [as in pwede bah, issa. get a grip!]…

is that james doesn’t have school tomorrow and he’ll be at the beach/ ocean/ whatever/ water with girls and there’ll proli be drinking and shit and i won’t be there cuz i have to go to fucking school and he’ll be there with girls… [oh, i said that already? i know.]

but now, I know that i just have to keep telling myself that nothing’s going to happen
because if something would’ve happened, it would’ve happened a long time ago,
right? God , please PLEASE let me be right.

i’m soo paranoid right now but i’m a girl and i worry a lot [too much for my own good. again] and i can’t help it. and i guess i should be at least thankful to god that i have liquid eyeliner, white and black eyeliner that i impulse bought at the mall today [because the pizza making tour was moved to tomorrow and we had to kill time] and my favorite, a new sodoku book to distract me and make me at least feel better about well.. everything i’m not supposed to be thinking about.

and again. we should seriously stop texting during class because it just pisses me off soo much.

p.s.i wanna read jodi picoult’s books.

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