Heavy Weight

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I hate my body right now and I’m not going to lie. I feel the pressures to be skinny especially when people around me constantly poke fun at me, joke about me being pregnant or point my weight gain out as a new form of hello. I hate people who say, “Hi Issa, you’ve gotten so fat now!” In my head I’m saying, “Oh hey, and you’re still ugly!” Ugh.

I’ve always been a fit girl. No, not skinny- fit. I used to have so much time to run and do all my sports but with my new lifestyle and career, I find myself stress eating rather than working out. I know it’s not an excuse but I’m just saying it like it is. If you’ve noticed, I haven’t agreed to having my photos taken as much as before because my arms are more manlike than ever, my clothes have gotten too tight, I have a bulge of a 3 month old pregnant lady and as of last week, none of my bras fit me anymore.  I can’t even put on a sports bra without losing breath.

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I know everyone has their own perception of beauty and my issues aren’t about what number I’ve reached on a scale, it’s more of how beautiful I ought to feel on the inside. If I were to love my body as much as I say I would want to, shouldn’t I want to give it only the best by only eating right and living a healthier life?

Big talk from a girl like me, I know. Flaws and everything.

But I’ve been spending the last few weeks of being 24 doing a lot of thinking and I’ve realized that I can’t just sit around moping. If I want something, I need to aspire for it; work for it; attain it and maintain it.

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I don’t need a Victoria Secret model’s body, I just need to fit into my clothes again. I need to stop finding excuses to not get things done and actually do them. Most of all, I need to stop getting sick! I need to start loving myself and actually showing this love by treating myself right and then maybe I can start loving everyone else. Or just the ones that ought to be love. jk.

I know I’m not the only person going through this right now which is why I decided to post this. It’s kinda tacky and it’s a haven to hate comments but everyone is always going to have their own opinion. I’m not happy with myself, so I’m going to change it. Not for anyone else but for me.

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21 days to 25 (AM I FREAKING OUT OR WHAAAAT?!),

wigflip-ds

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