I Forgot What We Stayed For

I don’t know what it is that I see in him. Maybe it’s
the thirst from knowing that I can’t be with him that makes me want him even
more. Maybe it’s the way I know that he doesn’t need me as much I need him that
drives me wild. But one way or another, I know that when I look at him, he’s
all I’d ever need. I know that even though we don’t have the best conversations
or we never have the right things to say, it’ll always be the best time for me.
The time we spent together will always make me smile and they always last more
than a day or a week. They last for a very long time.

 
            But
sometimes I get the feeling that you don’t like me as much as I want you to, as
much as I like you to or as much as I could. Sometimes I feel like I could
never be the girl who’ll make him happy. I know for some reason that I could
never be the girl who’d make him feel invincible or make him forget the world. I
know that I could never be the one who he’d smile at and feel lucky to have
because I’m just not that kind of girl and that kills me. But not because I can’t
be that person, it’s more because those feelings are exactly how he makes me
feel.

 
            I thought
I’d give up on myself or at least on the thought of falling for someone that I was
never sure that I could have. But I guess guys like him will always be a
reminder of why I never fulfill my promises. Guys like him will always make me
want them more. I want the ones that are impossible to have. And in my world, I
call that murder.