i miss you quite terribly

i think i’m going to file a missing persons case. he’s missing and i’m dying. lol.
i guess he’s lost signal or he’s driving [i doubt he is so it’s def. the loss of signal] or he’s basking in the sun or he’s dead. haha. just kidding about the dead part.

i now have proof that my parents are evil dictating hypocrites because in less than an hour they are going to try and buy me. buy my forgiveness and buy my trust.
i’m going to have parlor day with mom and casey and then tennis at sand trap. we never do this. something’s up… bitch.

So again, nothing good ever happens when i’m at home. it’s either me and the rents are fighting over James [because to them, i’m officially a slut. how is having a boyfriend being a slut? it’s unfair. SHE’S a slut cuz she had me at 18 and she’s been married twice!!] or their trying to win me back through bribery.

yesterday i was crying my eyes out and they were very very mean to me. now, my papa’s sharring his coke and kissing me for no good reason. i’m just trying my best to keep it all together and pretend that i’m not dying.

they really don’t know what they want.

my mom claims that she’s a materialistic. well, i’m real. i hate fake people. and they’re the fakest people i know. i just can’t wait to get out of this prison. hmm..

and since i’ve already started listing down the things i hate, i think i’m just going to humor myself and write down more of the things i hate about them..

i hate every car ride i ever share with them [which is exactly why i’ve considered riding public jeeps now] because we always always fight and there’s only one thing we fight about. no, person. and i know they always try to fight with me because they want to get some truth out of me. they want me to admit that we’re together and they want to brain wash me and somehow end what i’ve already started. but thing is, they never get what they want so they just can’t stop trying. very trying hard, ah. lol.

it’s because i never say anything anymore, isn’t it mom? FUCK YOU, WHORE.

and i hate the fact that i can’t have normal meals when i’m at home. i’m always rushing cuz i can’t stand sitting with the both of you trying to strike up good conversations [in YOUR pov] that always start with sarcastic questions about james.

i hate how you always think that my reasons for going to church are because of him. well, i’m not going to try to change the way you guys think.it’s not MY fault all you guys think about is sex. LOL

i hate how my parents always shut me up and tell me that i’m dumb or that i’m better off on the streets or with my granny or with my dad because whenever i’m just about to do what they’ve been telling me to do for soo long now, they immedietly pull me back and take everything back. one day you’re going to regret ever telling me that i was a mistake and that you could do so much better with me because the truth is, mom. i believe every single thing you’ve said and there’s nothing you could do for me or buy me that could ever ever ever change the way i feel about what you’ve been rubbing in my face for soo long.

i know this’ll be over in no time.

i’m going to graduate high school. then college. then i’ll move to the states and you won’t hear from me again.

splendid.