i’ll leave that up to you …

you have to remember that i’m not always there, i hardly am.
and it’s not in me to watch out for your every move,
listen to your every conversations or to keep track of every single breath you take.

and i’m never going to do that.
cuz that’s just not how it is.
and even as a first timer, i know that that’s not how it goes either.

this is a big bad world and yes, i’m affected.
it’s bad enough i hardly see you already.
and all i want to know is that you’re not going to hurt me.
sorry boy, but sometimes even the smallest and dumbest things hurt me
but that’s just who i am

you can’t expect me to take everything lightly.
you can’t expect me not to care about even the smallest things,
because i will.
god, you know i will.

and it’s not that i don’t trust you
but. argh.

you know well enough what you’re supposed to do.
you know that already.
i know you do.

and it stings right now.

i don’t miss feeling this way.
i don’t. not one bit of it.