ever since i finished reading “diary of a crush” i’ve been having weird episodes where i’m manning everyone and acting over the top and all princessy. why? i don’t know. PMS, i guess. or maybe because i just thought that i could and yeah, i did. haha. i even got the courage to e-mail my aunt and dad tons of links and pictures of things i want from the states. i also noted in that email that i HAD to get that and that i loved them. haha. i told my dad i loved him. how odd and desperate of me.
i swear to god i almost died today. tennis is murder. we stand in a line of 17 people [at the most] and wait to smack a couple of balls [you’re lucky if you get a 3rd round] and then you get back in line again. how is that supposed to help me improve anything? and then i think we’re running out of things to talk about with the girls at tennis or i’m just having really bad PMS now and i’m withdrawing myself from anything living and breathing. and then since i never get contented from simply waiting in line i stay at san case til past 12 to pla with dane [tennis mate] and when i get home, i eat and go straight to work. and occasionally fall asleep in my moms chair.
i need rest. i need a life. i need money. and NO, i don’t need a boyfriend. haha. somehow, i never fail to bring that up.
speaking of. i really wanna talk about this because i’m dying to spill my heart out. yes, i told you guys, it IS one of those days.
so yesterday i was at chab’s and chab ran off with ken and nina and seno were having alone time which i did not want to be caught in the middle of which made me feeling very “unfabulous” ish. i was yet again, in one of those paseo moments were it seemed like one of those things you hear your parents or councilors or people of tv talking about or those situations you’ve read about in books. i’ve hardly grown up. i have a lot of learning to do.
you know that peer pressure talk? well, i’m already finding ways to tell my daighter about it. if i ever have one, that is. and i’m going to make it as detailed as possible cuz i came to a realization yesterday that even though i no one likes me the way a guy likes nina or chab, i’m not going to go AWOL and throw myself on the first single guy out there. instead, i’m going to wait and focus on other things. i don’t wanna be in a desperate relationship… ever. i just want to be in love. simple as that no matter how long i have to wait and no matter how much it hurts. i NEVER wanna sell myself short and that’s just it. it’s either i’m in love or i’m focusiing on tennis. cuz that’s obviously the only thing i can ever talk about these days. yes, i’m commited.
i’m still very uneasy right now. i’m gathering my thoughts and trying to fiure out what i really want and i’m also trying to figure out why the hell do i keep pushing people i care about away from me and also, i’m trying to find a way to solve world hunger and a cure for HIV. just because when i’m free, i plan to be very promiscuous and get HIV or an STD. haha. I’M SOOOO KIDDING.
so ,i’m done.i want kevin to read this like, NOW. for some reason, whenever i blog, i always consider kevin. could it be some secret love i have for him hidden deep within myself that he’ll never know of? hahaha. or maybe it’s cuz i know that he’s the ONLY person who reads this shit.