NOT GIVING UP

the kind of day when you hold back tears from falling and you bite your lip until you can feel the taste of blood in your mouth. then after a few minutes of this, you feel your heart starting to close up and suddenly you can’t breathe. so you run to the bathroom and take really deep breaths [like the kind you used to make when you’d cut yourself crazy. emo beeyotch]. so you’re inhaling and exhaling while the tears are falling like crazy. you’re holding on for dear life cuz you know it’ll just past but still, you can’t find a good reason to stop crying…

i know this could all end in a second. i could save myself from the nagging, the constant arguements, the wishing and waiting.

but i know for sure that if i did that, i’d have nothing left to live for.

so that’s why i’m staying. because you are my life. you make it easier to breathe. so much easier.

so there you are, lying on the bathroom floor, trying to catch your breath. you stand up and feel your world dancing, you’ve lost it. you’ve just lost yourself. you look at your shirt and you see the tear stains, you tell yourself, “how am i going to cover THIS up?” but who cares. you know you don’t. you’re mad. you want them to know. so you wipe your tears and put on a show.

they don’t have to know you’re happy, they don’t have to be happy for you either because there’s nothing they can do and nothing they could possibly say that would make you turn your back on everything you’ve ever wanted. ever.

p.s. kuya mark, you’re weird.
UHHHH
UHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!