oh mama

i never got to tell you that i went to james’ place last night. yeah, i was at his sisters’ baby’s dedication cuz i’m a god mother. aren’t i awesome? i’m a ninang. 😀

i want a baby soo bad :/

anyways, so i was there and it was awkward in ways because i was suddenly demoted from “girl friend” to his “cousins classmate from MMIS”.

do i think it’s weird that he doesn’t talk to me? yes. do i think it’s unfair that he can’t even look me in the eye? double yes. but what’s actually more annoying for me is the fact that we can’t/ aren’t friends. because i remember how we use to treat each other before we got together and how we were such good friends and i miss it. i don’t miss him being my boyfriend,  i just miss being friends with him. and i don’t understand why were not or why he avoids me or why he acts like i’m some kind of disease that he needs to stay away from. it’s not like i’m ever going to ask for him back like i did before. i just wish he was more mature than this.

i think i’ll try talking to him about this soon but then maybe it’ll just be a waste of time- and knowing him, it will be.

on other matters, i want somebody 🙁 period. i wanna be in a relationship again. i wanna belong somebody and i want it to work. i don’t want it to be as complicated as it was the last time and i just wanna be in that moment again. you know where time stands still and you could just spend the rest of your life in that moment and be content no matter how tiny/ lame that moment is? i miss that. or you know that feeling where you would do ANYTHING just to see that person even if it were for a spit second? and a glance would be more than enough.

i always want what i shouldn’t have. i always want what’ll hurt me. i always want and never give or get. i want you to want me.

speaking of things i want: i want to play LEFT4DEAD

josh and kim promised we’d play. RJ doesn’t want any part of this so screw screw screw. i’ll be the girl 😀


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