on THIN ICE

you know how you always want to be happy. no one ever dreams or prays for a crappy day. come on. and you know how you’re always trying to make other people or yourself happy?

well, what if it doesn’t work? what if it doesn’t work anymore?

today, me and james have been together for 9 months. and today has been the worse day of my life, so far. and i’m not sugar coating that. i only have nina and chabel to thank for my sanity.

and i’m aksing myself, is it worth it? iknow it is but god, today just isn’t working for me at all.

i love him, i really do but something’s just not working.

he always leaves and turns his back on me. – am i not worth staying for?

he gets crazy when i’m with my friends – can i never be with him AND my friends at the same time? even if they’re boys…

he insults me – i knew i said i’d leave him if he physically abused me. but god, being sort of verbally abused hurts just as much.

i’m always wrong – or it’s ALWAYS such a big deal when i’m at faul but somehow i can never get as mad as he does when HE’S at fault.

and idk. i don’t wanna list everything.it’s unfair. i have my own set of faults, too.

and i’m not saying that i dpn’t wanna be with him cuz i still do.

right now, i’m just scared that this is the couple we’re going to be.

i just need a little encouragement. because i’m falling apart and wondering if i can still do it.

and i need a little reassuring. cuz it’s gettinng really hard.

and i can feel my heart breaking.

happy 9th. i love you. no matter how hard it gets.