Wednesday (F)lights

Due to a certain change of events, I am home early tonight. And if God couldn’t be kinder, He chose to clear up my schedule on the very night I decided that I wanted to draw a bird. Yes, you heard me right, a bird. It’s not a special bird or a bird that I’ve known of for a while. In all honesty, it’s a picture of a bird I saved off from 9gag. But it’s a cute bird; I’ll give you that- and I do believe that I’ve slowly gained a certain interest in these majestic creatures of flight, often making them my inspiration when trying to design clothes. (Emphasis on the try, people)

So here I am, minutes before eight, plopped on my bed (because I don’t have a table to draw on and that sucks) with my laptop on to keep me from being lonely. I don’t know how most people start when they decide to sketch but when drawing animate objects, I start with the eyes. So there I go, sketching away, having a go at shading and plotting (I’ve never really had any informal or formal education so that explains my weak vocabulary) when I realized that… I cannot draw to save my life.

I know this now because:

1. My little birds’ eyes were not, in any way, proportional. If that bird could move, it would’ve pecked my eyes and snapped my hands off.

2. Any bird with a head as big as the one of my feathered friend and that puny body I etched to match would be at the bottom of the food chain and would seriously hate evolution.

3. Beaks are not my forte. And neither are extremities. Peoples, birds, dogs- snakes. If they had any, I would’ve seriously f*cked that up, too.

4. Anything that is monochrome, duachrome [?!], anything other than technicolor is beyond my God given talents. Unless you think purple, blue and grey could pass as decent substitutes of black (probably, but not in the way I played it).

5. Mostly because, I forgot that when it comes to drawing or life in general, it’s important to pay attention to the bigger picture rather than scrutinize every.single.minute.detail.

I’d like to say that I’m not a quitter but let’s face it, I know a lost cause when I see one. So down went my pens and off went the paper (and into the trash bin) and I found myself sitting on my lumpy bed frustrated, incapable but mostly, sad.

And just like every single time I’m feeling down in the dumps, I like to think of all the things I could’ve done differently or the different ways that I could’ve screwed it up more to avoid doing it again next time. And I guess, in the midst of all that wallowing over a drawing, I came to the realization that:

1. I am not the best and well, maybe I never will be.

2.  People make mistakes but that doesn’t mean we should give up.

3. It takes practice. It takes time. And most of all, it takes patience.

4. If I never tried, I never would have known.

5. I have a very short attention span. I think it’s an undiagnosed case of ADHD. My mom never got me tested so, I guess we will never really know, will we? Haha.

And although I’ve put all my materials in their designated nooks and corners of my room, I am not at loss. See, I’m trying to take this evenings’ epiphany in the most philosophical way possible and somehow apply it to my daily life. I went down wiser, did I not? I’m a winner! *crowd roar*

In some ways, they are all great and I feel like the bomb diggity. But on the other hand, these are things I should’ve already known or at least remembered. But then again- practice, time and patience. I am not perfect, I forget [more than I ought to] and sometimes it takes epically failing to draw a bird to remember that.

Believe me, I could go on and on and on about how the bird is my relationship with Paolo or how it is my job or my mother but I’d rather not. Right now, I’m just going to enjoy the rest of my evening and de-stress myself from my de-stressing stress.

Maybe tomorrow will be a good drawing day. Or next week. Or never, who knows? But at least I learned.

My apologies to all the birds who were offended by this post.