It’s the first time I’ve been home while it’s raining since I moved into my new place. I’m not used to hearing the rain from my room, that, plus the silence, i feel is eating me.
I’m busy but I often get lost in my own thoughts, wishing I could just cuddle and sleep all day; eat Ruffles with Nutella, watch a good documentary and fall asleep under a thick sheet.
I’ve got articles to write, blogs to post and clients to deal with and all I can think of right now is how much I want the day to end so I can hug Jonas and tell him that I’m sorry for being sad today. And yesterday. And the day/s before that. That I’m sorry for all the days that I never got to tell him that I’m lucky to have him and how I wish that our lives would just fast forward. That he inspires me and he’s a pretty awesome person and that I am grateful despite all my illogical crying. Because I am a very illogical person.
But yeah, this is my life now. So much empty space in a house of 3 people, a king sized bed I sleep alone in, closet space enough enough for 5 and yet there’s still not enough space for the life I would have wanted to live.
I’ll be ok by 4 pm. That’s all the time I’m giving myself to mope.