for the sake of kevin and also for the sake of blogging myself tonight.. i will tell me story.

well, for some reason i’ve been feeling ve-hairy off track today. i unno, aside from all the superficial reasons.. man, it sounds so weird talking about it. makes me feel like i need a shrink or that i’m emotionally challenged. maybe i am. so, just shuttup and let the retard talk. lol. mee

so let me rant:

you know what? i really have no idea why everyone’s making a big ol fuss about everything. wasn’t this whole thing supposedly between just me and my dad and my mom and papa if i must add. but really, now my aunt’s are part of it and my grand parents. wtf. so the drama. and honestly, when they do that.. they just don’t know how hard it is. like the impact and everything. considering alvin is one thing. considering my parents is another but considering everyone?! that’s just something to hard to take. [eyes are starting to get watery] i honestly hate every bit of it. i thought i was old enough to make my own decisions. but here they come trying to tell me what they think is right. what they think rhe right decision is. i mean, they never stopped to ask me what I wanted. except my parent’s of course. it’s just so iritating. they think that … rr. i don’t know what they’re thinking.i just know that they’re complicating everything.

i really don’t want to hurt anyone. but that’s just a stupid thing to say cuz i know that either way.. i will eventually end up hurting someone. but i’m scared of the people i might end up hurting.

it’s not about the petition or the adoption anymore. i want both. but i want the adoption more. it’s not so much of the title anymore.. it’s skin deep.it’s acceptance. or.. it’s like one of the things i’m good at… running away. lol.

i keep asking myself if i owe granny that i’d let her have things her way this time. but, she never wanted me in the first place. so, that’s a no.

i keep getting stuck with second chances and the fear of regretting. this life… is just more than i can handle. i hope someone dies before i do.

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