Btw, i got caught smoking this week and it was the most embarrassing thing ever. i mean, i always knew it was wrong. i always knew that it would go against what they’ve told me not to do but for them to be disappointed was just a whole other story.
i always knew that they put me on a pedastole [why can’t i spell this word?!] and i always thought that somehow, in some ways it had to do with the fact that i’m not their “real” daughter. that somehow, i had to do better because i had to prove that i belonged to be a part of this family- that they didn’t make a mistake by not leaving me with my dead beat dad. and for them to say that i disappointed them, i was kinda shocked and hurt. i mean, they have their points but, i AM a good daughter and i do everything for them but i guess smoking was just something i did for myself. It was something that i did for me because i’m practically killing myself with nursing which they literally demanded me to do. and despite knowing that with my heart condition and blah blah blah, i still smoked because it was MY escape from everything. when i didn’t want to talk about it, when i didn’t want to think about it, when i didn’t want to think about anything. it was something i did because i wanted to rebel. And i guess i wanted to rebel because it made me feel alive when most of the time i felt dead. i know, it’s lame. it really is but that’s just how i function. I’m better off not sucking on suicide sticks anyways. i’ve always known that.
Point is, because i don’t want to disappoint them, so i won’t smoke. even if it’s been killing me and if i have this cough that i get when i try NOT to smoke. and even if i’ve been depressed and withdrawing myself from everyone and everything. and it’s only been 4 days. you can kill me if you want. they smoke in hell, right?
btw. i like to draw but i am no good. 😐
AAAAAAAAAAAA this is like 12 min long video XD I’m falling asleep I’m so tired. Bleh, I really want to watch it as well. I’ll watch it tomorrow like I said in the message hahaha ^^;; I already watched the other one :). I decided to go upstairs and get headphones kekeke.Wow there were a lot of things I didn’t know though that you said! Like…you’re adopted…and you have heart problems? >_<;; what kinda heart problems dyou have? Dw about the trying to be cool to get away though >_<;; I’ve been doing the same recently :/ I just can’t be bothered to face life so I’ve done a lot of shopping for new clothes and stuff to try and make myself look different on the outside so I can feel better about myself cos I’ve always felt ugly :/. Which is…stupid, like your smoking >_<;;.*hugs tight* I’m always here to chat if you want? :3. Don’t be depressed >_<;; else I will be sad knowing that you’re sad :(. Have you tried nicotine patches or sumin though?Nice drawings btw :). Kinda looks sad though >_<;;. You looking for a boyfriend?
AAAAAAAAAAAA this is like 12 min long video XD I’m falling asleep I’m so tired. Bleh, I really want to watch it as well. I’ll watch it tomorrow like I said in the message hahaha ^^;; I already watched the other one :). I decided to go upstairs and get headphones kekeke.Wow there were a lot of things I didn’t know though that you said! Like…you’re adopted…and you have heart problems? >_<;; what kinda heart problems dyou have? Dw about the trying to be cool to get away though >_<;; I’ve been doing the same recently :/ I just can’t be bothered to face life so I’ve done a lot of shopping for new clothes and stuff to try and make myself look different on the outside so I can feel better about myself cos I’ve always felt ugly :/. Which is…stupid, like your smoking >_<;;.*hugs tight* I’m always here to chat if you want? :3. Don’t be depressed >_<;; else I will be sad knowing that you’re sad :(. Have you tried nicotine patches or sumin though?Nice drawings btw :). Kinda looks sad though >_<;;. You looking for a boyfriend?
CONGRATS ON PASSING YOUR TEST! :). Hahaha I think you’re a good drawer…person…=P. I used to looove smudging when I took art class, my teacher would always be like DON’T SMUDGE but I always thought it looked much better after smudging ^^;;, it’s so smooth and stuff right? Hehe~*poke* you’re so emo =P. You should find someone to trust and stop talking bout killing yourself and jumping off cliffs (._.);;…:(. Seriously! >_<;;. You have to come visit in 3 years ^_^ I hope you trust me by then :D!You sure love paramore XD I was listening to them last night before I fell asleep hehe! It’s kinda hard to catch all the lyrics though…D:.PFFFT YOURE NOT AWESOME! YOUR BOOK LIES!! Hahaha kidding kidding =P!!! Why are you mad at the world though? :(.Your family is so funny though ahhaha makes me laugh XD MOOOOM WAIIIIT! =P. You’re such a hardcore paramore fan though ^_^ awwwww is cute :3. I’m listening to them more now, trying to listen to the lyrics, they must be good if you love them so much right? ^^. Hahahahaha the ghost and snails were sooo cute! I love the girls too btw ^^;;. Sorry my comments are so long (._.); I hope you don’t find them too long >_<;!!
CONGRATS ON PASSING YOUR TEST! :). Hahaha I think you’re a good drawer…person…=P. I used to looove smudging when I took art class, my teacher would always be like DON’T SMUDGE but I always thought it looked much better after smudging ^^;;, it’s so smooth and stuff right? Hehe~*poke* you’re so emo =P. You should find someone to trust and stop talking bout killing yourself and jumping off cliffs (._.);;…:(. Seriously! >_<;;. You have to come visit in 3 years ^_^ I hope you trust me by then :D!You sure love paramore XD I was listening to them last night before I fell asleep hehe! It’s kinda hard to catch all the lyrics though…D:.PFFFT YOURE NOT AWESOME! YOUR BOOK LIES!! Hahaha kidding kidding =P!!! Why are you mad at the world though? :(.Your family is so funny though ahhaha makes me laugh XD MOOOOM WAIIIIT! =P. You’re such a hardcore paramore fan though ^_^ awwwww is cute :3. I’m listening to them more now, trying to listen to the lyrics, they must be good if you love them so much right? ^^. Hahahahaha the ghost and snails were sooo cute! I love the girls too btw ^^;;. Sorry my comments are so long (._.); I hope you don’t find them too long >_<;!!
@whoosh90 – yep. my parents are divorced and my step dad adopted me so i’m necessarily annie the orphan or something!about me hating the world and being lost, i think it’s just PMS or something. haha wait going out i’ll reply to this laterr
@whoosh90 – yep. my parents are divorced and my step dad adopted me so i’m necessarily annie the orphan or something!about me hating the world and being lost, i think it’s just PMS or something. haha wait going out i’ll reply to this laterr
@whoosh90 – so why’d you ask me if i’m looking for a boyfriend? /:) haha. actually, i have suitors. yes, there’s an S but none i really like. some i do but i’m never in a hurry when it comes to relationships. i’ve only been in 1 serious relationship and it lasted for 2 years. then we broke up. but i’m over it and i know it taught me a lot in life generally.and i only say i want to die. i don’t actually want to die. i like life. haha! i’m just a drama queen like that. the past 2 days were just bad for me though cuz i didn’t wanna be around anybody and all i wanted to do was be alone and smoke but i couldn’t smoke so i hated the world. haha. withdrawal,i guess.anyways, yeah, i do really love paramore. i recently just got into them again cuz riot was disappointing and then brand new eyes came and i fell in love again. :)) i think you think i’m so dark cuz i don’t draw happy things. someone complained about that on my facebook, too. but i guess i just don’t like drawing happy things. i like being deep and uncommon? :Dok this is long, too!
@whoosh90 – so why’d you ask me if i’m looking for a boyfriend? /:) haha. actually, i have suitors. yes, there’s an S but none i really like. some i do but i’m never in a hurry when it comes to relationships. i’ve only been in 1 serious relationship and it lasted for 2 years. then we broke up. but i’m over it and i know it taught me a lot in life generally.and i only say i want to die. i don’t actually want to die. i like life. haha! i’m just a drama queen like that. the past 2 days were just bad for me though cuz i didn’t wanna be around anybody and all i wanted to do was be alone and smoke but i couldn’t smoke so i hated the world. haha. withdrawal,i guess.anyways, yeah, i do really love paramore. i recently just got into them again cuz riot was disappointing and then brand new eyes came and i fell in love again. :)) i think you think i’m so dark cuz i don’t draw happy things. someone complained about that on my facebook, too. but i guess i just don’t like drawing happy things. i like being deep and uncommon? :Dok this is long, too!
@Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA – :O you’re annie?! Hahaha there’s no escaping this now, you gotta record yourself singing TOMORROW! TOMORROW! BLA BLA BLA! TOMORROW! >_>;; I forgot the words :(. OH YEAH! “There’s always tomorrow.” I think. >_>;;. Either way you gotta sing it ^_^!Eek PMS and cigarette cold turkey withdrawels can’t be nice…>_<;;. *hugs tight to balance it out*!!I asked cos the pictures you drew were of a girl having arms like towers around her…and like…a bloody love letter (>_>);; which is kinda dark hahaha but iuno…kinda..lovey dovey I guess? I guess it comes from listening to paramore a lot hahaha XD. I’ve only had one girlfriend, that lasted 9 months then we broke up, and that was like nearly two years ago…but yeah that taught me enough for me not to rush into another relationship ever again :/.Iuno, mine made me realise how childish I was really. Making childish promises :/.Mmm okay ^^ that’s a relief. I was kinda worried la! Hope you’ll feel better after your cold turkey is over :).”All we know is falling” is my favourite album :D! But yeah brand new eyes is really good too :D! Nah I don’t think you’re dark, I act the same when I listen to stuff like evenescence and paramore and shyt it’s so depressing hahaha XD. I was thinking bout you when I lay awake last night so I listened to some paramore and I just got so pissed off at everything hahaha like “omgosh I hate the world” XD. Music really affects my mood I guess, I don’t like listening to these kinda things much nowadays it just puts me in a bad mood haha. I listen to mainstream asian music even though it’s really cheap and shallow, but it’s kinda feelgood music and puts me in a good mood? ^^:; SORRY! I bet you hate me now hahaha. *nods* I agree you’re deep ^^ I like that about you :). Actually you’ve been a good reminder to me to pay more attention to the lyrics of a song hehe, most of the time I just listen to it for the feel ^^;;. I like things like…Khalil Fong 🙂 his lyrics are very sweet. OK I WILL ADMIT THEY ARE CHEESY AND ROMANTIC T_T;; but I think it’s sweet ^^;;. Give this a listen and read the subs? 🙂 sometimes he completely sums up things I want to say hehe ^^.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6lDgtc4Bs8
@Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA – :O you’re annie?! Hahaha there’s no escaping this now, you gotta record yourself singing TOMORROW! TOMORROW! BLA BLA BLA! TOMORROW! >_>;; I forgot the words :(. OH YEAH! “There’s always tomorrow.” I think. >_>;;. Either way you gotta sing it ^_^!Eek PMS and cigarette cold turkey withdrawels can’t be nice…>_<;;. *hugs tight to balance it out*!!I asked cos the pictures you drew were of a girl having arms like towers around her…and like…a bloody love letter (>_>);; which is kinda dark hahaha but iuno…kinda..lovey dovey I guess? I guess it comes from listening to paramore a lot hahaha XD. I’ve only had one girlfriend, that lasted 9 months then we broke up, and that was like nearly two years ago…but yeah that taught me enough for me not to rush into another relationship ever again :/.Iuno, mine made me realise how childish I was really. Making childish promises :/.Mmm okay ^^ that’s a relief. I was kinda worried la! Hope you’ll feel better after your cold turkey is over :).”All we know is falling” is my favourite album :D! But yeah brand new eyes is really good too :D! Nah I don’t think you’re dark, I act the same when I listen to stuff like evenescence and paramore and shyt it’s so depressing hahaha XD. I was thinking bout you when I lay awake last night so I listened to some paramore and I just got so pissed off at everything hahaha like “omgosh I hate the world” XD. Music really affects my mood I guess, I don’t like listening to these kinda things much nowadays it just puts me in a bad mood haha. I listen to mainstream asian music even though it’s really cheap and shallow, but it’s kinda feelgood music and puts me in a good mood? ^^:; SORRY! I bet you hate me now hahaha. *nods* I agree you’re deep ^^ I like that about you :). Actually you’ve been a good reminder to me to pay more attention to the lyrics of a song hehe, most of the time I just listen to it for the feel ^^;;. I like things like…Khalil Fong 🙂 his lyrics are very sweet. OK I WILL ADMIT THEY ARE CHEESY AND ROMANTIC T_T;; but I think it’s sweet ^^;;. Give this a listen and read the subs? 🙂 sometimes he completely sums up things I want to say hehe ^^.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6lDgtc4Bs8
@whoosh90 – i’ll listen to it when i’m in my room. i’m in our office now and for some reason, i can’t hear anything on this thing :(ok wanna know a secret? have you heard of 2ne1? i know the lyrics to their music AND i get high dancing to their songs! :)) but you cannot tell anyone that, ok? that goes with you to your grave!! hahahaand it’s not a dark drawing actually. the lyrics are “your arms like towers… towering over me.” so it’s actually nice cuz it’s like… he’s protecting her of some sort. lol.i don’t like mainstream. maybe because i have this immense need to be different. i have this thing where i don’t follow trends until after they die out only because i like it but i would never wear it when everyone else is. HAHA. and that’s weird considering the fact that i wanna go into fashion. lolslisten to maria mena’s our battle, this providence- my beautiful rescue, the afters- beautiful love and i’ll think of more. i’m not in the know with music as much. don’t always have time and my ipod is broken. hopefully i’ll get my papa’s old one this xmas. pray for me! :)and my last relationship was almost a year ago. we were together for 2 years. we go to the same church, grew up together and then i thought he was the one but then yah..
@whoosh90 – i’ll listen to it when i’m in my room. i’m in our office now and for some reason, i can’t hear anything on this thing :(ok wanna know a secret? have you heard of 2ne1? i know the lyrics to their music AND i get high dancing to their songs! :)) but you cannot tell anyone that, ok? that goes with you to your grave!! hahahaand it’s not a dark drawing actually. the lyrics are “your arms like towers… towering over me.” so it’s actually nice cuz it’s like… he’s protecting her of some sort. lol.i don’t like mainstream. maybe because i have this immense need to be different. i have this thing where i don’t follow trends until after they die out only because i like it but i would never wear it when everyone else is. HAHA. and that’s weird considering the fact that i wanna go into fashion. lolslisten to maria mena’s our battle, this providence- my beautiful rescue, the afters- beautiful love and i’ll think of more. i’m not in the know with music as much. don’t always have time and my ipod is broken. hopefully i’ll get my papa’s old one this xmas. pray for me! :)and my last relationship was almost a year ago. we were together for 2 years. we go to the same church, grew up together and then i thought he was the one but then yah..
@Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA – Hehe ok :). Remember to listen to it it’s really sweet ^_^!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA you can’t get much more mainstream than 2NE1 XD!!! Kakaka that’s so funny that you know the lyrics too!! Hehehe I never would’ve guessed!! XD. I mean. Erm. >_>;; nothing. *keeps quiet* hehehe :). I really like Super Junior’s “SUPER GIRL” XD hahahaha SHHHHHHHHHHH XD the lyrics are SOOOO crap but I just love it rofl. “You are my SUPER GIRL, I am your SUPER MAN” hahahahahahahaa XD lameass mainstream as HELL but mann…good tune XD.Mmmm not that one! That picture’s cute ^^. I meant that one kinda made me ask like are you lookin for a bf :). It’s a really cute picture :).Haha, nah that’s kinda cute ^^. I’m completely opposite >_<;; I want to fit in, I’m such a tool haha ^^;;. Mmm it is kinda weird that you deliberately dress out of fashion, I’m trying to start dressing in fashion :/ we should swap places hahaha. Being different in fashion has its pros and cons though I guess, it’ll give you an edge over others, but…maybe not many people will like to wear it? Mainstream is defined by the majority after all.:) ok I will listen to those ^^ thanks!!Mmm…I’m sorry :/. I guess…at least you managed to break it off though right? Else you’d be stuck with someone who isn’t the one…
@Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA – Hehe ok :). Remember to listen to it it’s really sweet ^_^!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA you can’t get much more mainstream than 2NE1 XD!!! Kakaka that’s so funny that you know the lyrics too!! Hehehe I never would’ve guessed!! XD. I mean. Erm. >_>;; nothing. *keeps quiet* hehehe :). I really like Super Junior’s “SUPER GIRL” XD hahahaha SHHHHHHHHHHH XD the lyrics are SOOOO crap but I just love it rofl. “You are my SUPER GIRL, I am your SUPER MAN” hahahahahahahaa XD lameass mainstream as HELL but mann…good tune XD.Mmmm not that one! That picture’s cute ^^. I meant that one kinda made me ask like are you lookin for a bf :). It’s a really cute picture :).Haha, nah that’s kinda cute ^^. I’m completely opposite >_<;; I want to fit in, I’m such a tool haha ^^;;. Mmm it is kinda weird that you deliberately dress out of fashion, I’m trying to start dressing in fashion :/ we should swap places hahaha. Being different in fashion has its pros and cons though I guess, it’ll give you an edge over others, but…maybe not many people will like to wear it? Mainstream is defined by the majority after all.:) ok I will listen to those ^^ thanks!!Mmm…I’m sorry :/. I guess…at least you managed to break it off though right? Else you’d be stuck with someone who isn’t the one…
@whoosh90 – oh god, i don’t wanna listenn to music with lyrics like THAT! :))and idk, i think i just don’t like being like everyone else. it doesn’t make me feel special. like when i was a kid, everyone liked this so even if i liked it too, i would say i liked something else because i wanted that thing to just be mine. sometimes it makes me feel left out though but yeah, i guess i just don’t want to be a part of the majority. :pyeah, i broke it off. it’s so much better now that we’re not together 🙂
@whoosh90 – oh god, i don’t wanna listenn to music with lyrics like THAT! :))and idk, i think i just don’t like being like everyone else. it doesn’t make me feel special. like when i was a kid, everyone liked this so even if i liked it too, i would say i liked something else because i wanted that thing to just be mine. sometimes it makes me feel left out though but yeah, i guess i just don’t want to be a part of the majority. :pyeah, i broke it off. it’s so much better now that we’re not together 🙂
@Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA – HAHAHAHA butbutbut XD the beat is goooood hahaha. And I love the video XP!! AAAAAAAAAA I’M SO STUPID SORRY ^^;;!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pit7RS4mPI0Hahaha you sure are weird :3! I used to do the opposite, try to agree with people and like the same things >_>;;. I used to hate being different and left out ^^;;. Now I’m more secure with myself and my friends 🙂 so I don’t really try to fit in so much ^_^. Pahahaha I like paramore too, now you can’t be left out :3 kakakaka maybe you gotta start liking something else ^_^!*nods* me too. I’m glad I am not with her any more :).
@Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA – HAHAHAHA butbutbut XD the beat is goooood hahaha. And I love the video XP!! AAAAAAAAAA I’M SO STUPID SORRY ^^;;!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pit7RS4mPI0Hahaha you sure are weird :3! I used to do the opposite, try to agree with people and like the same things >_>;;. I used to hate being different and left out ^^;;. Now I’m more secure with myself and my friends 🙂 so I don’t really try to fit in so much ^_^. Pahahaha I like paramore too, now you can’t be left out :3 kakakaka maybe you gotta start liking something else ^_^!*nods* me too. I’m glad I am not with her any more :).