I won’t miss the sunshine when it’s gone..

i want this dress so bad right now. and it costs P 1,100.00. i could actually afford it right now but i figured that i’d rather not spend my money on stuff like that now cuz i’ll be leaving for boracay in a few months and it’d be better if i had money for the trip considering the fact that i’ll be going with my fucking thrift chink Chua family. ugh.

and yeah, i realized that June 25 is coming up soon and that means i’ll be meeting my half sister for the first time. I wish i was prepared. but emotionally, i’m not. idk what to do with her, really. if i should treat her the way i treat Casey which is horrible or if i should give her special treatment cuz i won’t be seeing her pretty much after this. stumped here. help.

anyways, i went to the gym today. Mike, the new boyfriend was there, too. and it was so cute because when i was on the threadmill, he got on it too and kissed my head. i swear i got butterflies and goosebumps. 🙂

and it’s really awkward being in a relationship now too because i basically don’t know how to be in one anymore. like, i’m scared to do one thing or another because it’s too early in the relationship and it’s just weird. i mean, sometimes i forget i’m even in a relationship cuz it was all so freakin sudden. do i wish i would’ve taken it slower? yeah, i do. but it’s happening now so i might as well roll with the punches, right? i just do hope this works out though. i mean, his life is so hectic and i have no idea where he’s going to insert me into his life. and plus when school starts it’ll be bloody murder so idk where i’m going to insert him in mine either. Especially with the fact that this is supposed to be “secret” relationship. for more than one reason.

but honestly, i don’t mind people knowing about us. i mean, afterall i AM happy. but the thing is, i like the fact that my parents don’t know sqat cuz if they do, i wouldn’t be able to hang out with him as much as i get to now. hiding it from my parents gives me the priviledge of crashing his place any time i want to and not having my parents wonder where i am all the time cuz they’d be scared i’d be with him, you know?

oh i just hope i don’t make the same mistakes i did before or i hope i don’t do the mistakes james did to me before. i don’t want this to be an “easy come, easy go” thing either cuz it’s a relationship for crying out loud. and most of all, i hope i won’t be unable to do all the things i got to do while i did while i was single. except for SOME things ;]  i mean, this relationship again has been such a whirlwind and i hope we both get to transition into it properly. in our own times.

i’m so bad at being a girlfriend to mike though. i actually feel sorry for my lack of abilities to portray emotions.but yeah, this is me. i guess someone’ll have to deal. but what i lack he pretty much makes up for. the sweetness, the charm, the body. omg, he has the best body ever. and he’s still working on his abs. oh la la.

ok i’ll stop before this gets gross


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