May 1 blog

Pslams 40:1-3

 I patiently waited Lord, for you to
hear my prayer. You listened and pulled me from a lonely pit full of mud and
mire. You let me stand on a rock with my feet firm, and you gave me a new song,
a song of praise to you

             i don’t know if it’s safe to
post all these information down here but I’m going to anyways. Haha.

I almost got caught today.
Well, I don’t know. Maybe I really wasn’t meant to get caught. I’m thinking now
and I kinda consider it to be a “sign”. Like maybe I should be more careful. I
mean, I’ve been praying so hard that I wouldn’t get caught with whatever it is
I’m doing so I guess it’s my responsibility to also try my best NOT to get
caught. Lol. By this I mean, when I sneak out, it is my responsibility to
inform everyone who could possibly squeal on me. Hekhek. <–
I REALLY don’t know.

       Right now
I am in a very surreal moment and I’m very scared that I could wake up one day.
I’m scared that this could turn into a very bad nightmare and that I could get
hurt all over again. But I’m only scared when I’m not with him. And I try my
best to be with him every chance I get. Even if that means lying and giving my
parents fake schedules.

sometimes it does feel like it’s been fast. Hell, it’s been one scary ride for
me but I couldn’t picture it any other way. I mean, first it’s not weird; it
just feels right. And second, I don’t have to be that demure, all bottled up
person I thought I’d be required to be in order to have a real boyfriend. James
just accepts me for who I am. Weird and everything else. And I know he won’t
try to change me. I’ve never had to wear a mask in front of him and the way my
insides twist whenever I’m with him… God, you answered all my prayers.

       And the
thing I love most about all of this is that, it’s not just a 2 person
relationship. Of course, we’ve decided to make God the center of everything.
Now I know why it hasn’t worked out with anyone else. <33 [I don’t care
about whoever’s laughing. I love this and I’m NOT going to let it go]

I don’t need anyone else
right now.


so drive your car, babe

you know I’d go anywhere in the

world with you…<333


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