this is the life …
i just came home from the mall and from kenji’s party. my whole day practically rocked. except for some parts of it.
like:
when i went home to get the rest of my stuff
when i cried because i heard about what was going on at home with me away
when me and james fought and i was screaming at timezone cuz i was so pissed.
when i ran into my tita
when today ended :[
and yeah. i got my little taste of rebellion. ALMOST got wasted tonight. haha. thank jeebuz for boracays and for tequila’s and for James who never leaves me alone. i’m such a baby. i need a baby sitter and everything. holy macaroni.
we had a really good night together. i mean, i got to have fun with my friends and after that i got to hang out with him and just have our own time together and talk about all the shit that’s been going on in my life. [my life ra. his life i practically perfect.it makes me jealous. i’m the only thing not perfect about it.] which leads me to this prayer. [because we’re scared that my mom would tell his parents and then that just wouldn’t be good. that would just be good-bye issa and james]
god,
ok, maybe this is so hard for us because maybe we’re too young to be “in love”. but god, you were the one who gave him to me during your time and this is probably the only thing i’d go against my parents for. because everything else would either be stupid or irrational. my life is so screwed right now and it kinda feels like i’m loosing everything. it feels like you’re putting me to the ultimate test to see if i can make it through. god, i swear i won’t do anything stupid – if you just let me keep him. [i don’t mean to give conditions and i know you have your reasons for doing things but if he wasn’t in my life i honestly wouldn’t understand those reasons ever and i proli couldn’t pass this test] he’s the only thing that keeps me strong. you know my heart, lord and everything that’s in it so you know that i’m not lying or just saying this.
god, i know what i did was stupid but i have my reasons and you know all without me having to list them down. and god, i know what my parents can do. you made them strong people. but not as strong as you. god, please don’t let them ruin this for me. it’s the only thing i can actually pray for right now. because if eveyrthing’s ok with me and him, then everything’s going to be ok with everyone else.
i know i’m such a selfish person putting my boyfriend ahead of my family. god, i love my family but when i felt like i didn’t have one, he was always there for me and he made me feel like he was. and he is. you know what i want with him, lord. and i’m praying, that by your will, that actually gets to happen.
i guess he’s my modern day god. maybe that’s my sin. and i feelbad because i’ve slipped away again and i’m running back to you when everything’s a mess. i hope you’d still take me in and make everything all right.
i don’t wanna go home but i want us to be alright.
i hope that’s what you have planned for me.
amen.
issa <-3
p.s. i got a new dress today. who thought, you leave your house, you get a new dress? life is something. something wild.
let’s just live, ok?
