taking it one day ata time . of boys & … boys

today we had the SSC outreach program which i’m very happy to say was very very succesful. i loved the fact that we were able to do what we did even if it’s just cuz it was christmas. it’s not hypocritical, it just makes more sense. lol.

today was good for me. it was kind. it was better, waaay better than yesterday. yesterday made no sense to me. no sense to me at all. humm..

anyways, i spent the whole morning with tamae, talking and helping her try to make her speech in bisaya which was FREAKIN hard, man. lol

the whole significance of my morning though was talking to tammy about everything. well, not everything but you know, that. what’s happening right now. and to be honest, i’m shocked. lol. TAMAE MAN GUD! I BLAME YOU AND YOUR GUESSES! haha.

now, i’m just confused. lol

i feel like such an idiot right now. sometimes,i feel like i just talk to hear the sound of my own voice. sometimes i talk and don’t even think what the consequences might be. and god,  feel like such an idiot gyud. arrrgh, matey. lol

tamae told me to weigh the things about certain people. cough, cough.

she let me rant for a while and yeah, that did go on for some time. lol. pisti.

and i hate how she kinda guessed what i didn’t realize. i swear, it’s just so hard.

is it too late to wish it all away now? i don’t wanna wish it all away. i just wish, this wasn’t as complicated. lol

he’s the nicest
he makes me want to change
i know i can trust him
i can see that he’s willing to try
he makes me smile

but sometimes i feel that i havta give him a little push now and then. just to make sure i’m not completely alone in this

he’s soo nice… i can’t break his heart.

he plays games [but sometimes, i like it]
he’s fun
for some reason, he can be the most annoying person in the world but, i never get annoyed
i don’t have to worry about what i say to him cuz it’s just cool like that
he’ll always be around
i don’t believe in this but like, sometimes, he gives me that feeling na, he’s changed. NOT. what am i? 13? HAHA

i have a feeling that he can hurt me the most

i don’t wanna think that i can live without him in the picture anymore because honestly, i thought about it and i realized na if he found someone else, it would crush me. crazy, right?

where is this all coming from? OH. TAMAE!!

she kinda said she knew who i wanted. and honestly, i don’t know. it struck me. her reasons struck me. and i now i can’t stop thinking.

what if i’m wrong? what if he hurts me and i’ll have no one else.

i don’t want that to happen. not after i told myself that it’s ok to love. it’s ok to let him in and it’s ok to happy.

i don’t know who’s reading this right now but, i’m sorry. i have to choose. i don’t wanna be wrong. i wanna be happy.

i love, hate, want, can’t live, killed, shot you.

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