with you, it’s a lot like dancing. you take one step forward and one step back. One more step forward and you suddenly leave me in the middle of the dance floor. And just when i’ve decided not to dance this dance, you show up again and very easily sweep me into your tango -issa
i honestly feel bad. i feel bad because i didn’t stay long enough to hear it from jeed’s side of the story. i feel like i was in a hurry to replace him [but it was unintentional] and i feel like i’m letting him get close enough to hurt me and i do NOT want that to happen. I haven’t heard from him in more than a week but he calls me up tonight saying he wants to meet up and i’m immediately in a cab on my way to meet him. and it didn’t matter what he did- i just felt like i wanted to be with him. ehh, i sound so in love with him which i’m not. i just don’t understand why i’m like this. i think it’s cuz i needed an explanation from him badly. and now i have it and i am NOT happy. because of me.:(
so i saw his phone. it was really with his friend. he’s using it now cuz he broke his original phone. turns out, it wasn’t pawned and his friends were bullshitting. last saturday, he wasn’t with carlyle [the guy who supposedly pushed him to use] and he was home. with his brother and he’s been home since cuz he’s been trying to save up for a new phone. he kept telling me that he’s been staying away from our common friends cuz they’re the one who push him into using and he really doesn’t want to. but you know if he wanted to text me, he would’ve found ways right? UGH UGH STUPID INCONSISTENT BOY!
and then jericho, i love talking to him, i love texting him. he is soo different. he’s consistent, he’s there. he feels like something different. but i think about jeed and i feel like he needs me more. i feel like i’m rushing into something else but i’m not. jericho just happened and i’m just trying to see what can actually happen. i know i’m not playing thee two boys cuz… jericho proli doesn’t like me like that [not that i do either] and jeed, well, his side has been established once or twice but why do i feel wrong about this?
jeed man gud!! sos, so inconsistent. and i don’t like waiting around for boys because it makes me feel used.
i hate my life. i feel like a whore